The Gentle Way to Fitness

Emergence

2012-01-19T22:38:00.001-08:00

There’sa lot of talk these days about transformation. Transformation indicates thatsomething that exists is replaced by something else. I prefer to considerexpansion. Expansion indicates that there is already something in existencethat emerges and becomes larger.

Whatif we are already in possession of the power, ability, beauty, health and peaceof mind that we desire? What if we have smothered these things with erroneousthinking and behavioral habits? What if we simply (simple isn’t necessarilyeasy) take the steps to remove the blockages so that our true nature can emerge, so that the seeds of who we wantto be can flourish with the light of love and acceptance?

2011-09-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

9/30/2011

WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO COME TO SEE ME?

Is it because I’m extraordinarily beautiful, a greatsinger, dancer, sports star, a published poet, a politician who promises tosave the world, a brilliant scientist, a famous actor? I can’t bill myself asany of the above.

The reason anyone wouldwant to come to see me is that they would experience someone with whom theycould empathize with, identify with, be moved by, and perhaps be amused by. What I hope to offeris authenticity. I am authentically a person who has had many experiences, whois highly emotional, sensitive, passionate and expressive. AND I’m learning that what I am at center isSource Energy.

I want to create aspace where others can also express themselves – interactive theater. I’m willing totake a risk in doing this piece. For sure, I’d prefer to have it be successful,but I’m willing to have it bomb. It’s part of my practice, my evolution.

2011-09-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

AGING

It crept up on me

I was young

Supple

Slim

Somewhat of a brat

Thoughtless

Cokes after school

At Dake’s drugstore

Flirting with boys

Before I could catch my breath

I was married

On a hot day

Wearing a borrowed wedding dress

That I hated

Fast forward to a different husband

A daughter

Dream come true

A daughter I could name after my dead mother

A son

Along the way

Lots of lovers

None of them quite the One

Although each time I hoped

Finally

Son and daughter grown and gone

Where did they go?

Recognition

He’s the One

We moved west together

Who am I?

Where do I belong?

Who is this woman with wrinkled arms and legs and face?

Who is this woman with more gray than black in her hair?

Body hasn’t been slim for years

So many things I can no longer do

Cartwheels, handstands, backbends

Full lotus

I am bound by regrets

For the foolish things like cartwheels

That I don’t do

Then I berate myself for

Regretting the smooth skin

I tell myself to be grateful

For my good health

For the many things my body can do

I tell myself to be grateful

For so many many joys

Son and daughter

Grandchildren

Great grandchildren

They’re far away

These great-grandchildren

They don’t know me

I don’t know them

My fourth husband is aging

His body is compromised

Heart, kidneys, prostrate

They don’t work all that well

He’s had to have several teeth removed

I don’t hear so well

I’m considering a hearing aid

If I start to wear a hearing aid

I’ll know I’m no longer young.

I’m sorry God

I’m sorry that I’m not more grateful

For what I do have

The brain still works fairly well

Although I forget more and more words

They sit on the tip of my tongue

The weird thing is

I’m happier now than when I was

Supple, smooth and slim

I no longer have days and days

Of deep depression

I no longer have nights and nights

Of desperation

I’m trying God

I’m trying to accept

The aging process

I’m trying to

Grow old with grace

Humor, and gratitude

2011-09-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

ABORTION

My body prepares formothering

I cannot sleep

I watch breasts fill withunwanted milk

Belly rounds, softens

All night I hear the childwhisper within me

Will I ever sleep again?

My church demands

Life is life, thou shaltnot kill

But surely God would notdemand I birth this child.

Surely God wouldunderstand

In the clinic

The clean white clinic

They dress me in a cleanwhite gown and

The clean white doctorwith no face leans over me, and

The clean white nurse withher voice of comfort and no face

Holds my hand

When the quick deep paincomes, I squeeze her hand

So hard I think it mightbreak

She doesn’t cry out

I don’t cry out

I think I hear the babycry one long howl of protest

NOOOOOOO

But how can it?

It has no mouth yet

The clean white social workerat the clinic

Tells me it has no mouthyet.

They wheel my empty bodyaway

I lie in a row with theothers

Neatly in a clean whiterow

We of the gutted bodies

Where do they throw awaythe dead babies?

I forgot to ask.

I’ll never know where mybaby is.

I light a candle for it inchurch every week.

2011-09-27T09:55:00.001-07:00

A Bumblebee

This is about a bumblebee.

She is a multidimensionalbumblebee, and

Like all bumblebees, shedoesn’t know she is aerodynamically unable to fly

So she flies

She flies to find honey

She seeks honey, not only frommyriads of flowers, but from stones and stars, snails and whales, clouds andcrayfish

And everywhere she goes,she finds honey.

If you look closely, youmay notice the body of this multidimensional bumblebee is a bit tattered

Her wings are a bit frayed

Her eyesight has dimmedwith age

And yet she believes sheis young and beautiful

And so she is

She buzzes indignantlywhen some flashy butterfly derides her, or when a human swats at her with oneof those vicious swatters they’ve invented to put bumblebees in their properplace, which is, of course, OUT, because they are such a nuisance with theirbuzzing and sipping

This particular bumble willprobably dodge all her would-be assailants, because just as she doesn’t knowshe is unable to fly, she doesn’t know she is destined to die.

So on she goes, seasonafter season, buzzing and sipping, soaring and spiraling, singing her ownversion of whatever national anthem suits the moment.

2011-09-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

The Vision

Last night I subbed for a yoga class at South West CommunityCenter.

After the class, one of the students engaged me inconversation. This was the second time she’d had a class with me teaching. I discoveredthat she is friends with Jeff and Debbie! Among other things, we talked about the one-woman show I amwriting, and she gave me a great idea! I’m truly excited. Now I know exactly what I am going to do.

This will be interactive, improvisational theater.
I will start with a script, maybe "perform" a couple of poems that say it all - like A BUMBLEBEE.

I will tell the audience who we are – that we are allconnected. Like organs in a body, each one functions independently and inter-dependently. I will invite the audience to write a question or astatement on a piece of paper that will be provided. Then I will respond with action, story,sounding and/or dancing - whatever is inspired by the question or statement. I will ask Timothy and/or another musician to improvise with music. There will be opportunity for those who wish to improvise along with me.

I see myself in costume – a long flowing gown, one side isblack; the other is white – yin/yang.

I would have this produced in Nia's Studio B and be paid for bydonation. After deducting a percentage to the musician(s) and anyoutgoing expenses, all profit will go to Nia.

It would be good to do this at least twice.

2011-09-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

9/25/11

What do I really want tosay to the world?

I want to say that wehumans have the potential to live a beautiful life as co-creators. Iconsciously believe we are truly connected. Since I don’t always act that way,I suspect that subconsciously, I believe differently. I suspect thatsubconsciously I don’t trust others and even myself.

AND, I am doing my best tobring the conscious belief in love and connection to my subconscious so that Ican act on this belief and share it.

I believe that our hope ashumanity lies in the concept that we are all One, that we are connected.

Okay, so I could just siton stage and say what I’ve just said, share the many poems and pieces saying thesame thing in different ways. BUT I also want to entertain you and stimulateyou as I entertain and stimulate myself. I want to share the flow of thoughtsand experiences that travel through me at breakneck speed. I am constantlyentertaining and stimulating myself. I’m thoroughly enjoying the process ofwriting, writing, writing.

So, now that I’ve answeredthe question:

Today I was listening tothe radio as I was driving. It was an interview with a poet who has dyslexia.He told how difficult it was for him as a child. He finally learned to read,and it is still a slow process for him. There is something missing in hisbrain. It’s a neurological situation. He has compensated for this birthsituation (I hate the word “defect”) and does read. He also writes poetry.

I thought about my friendand teacher who tells us that she had to compensate for dyslexia as well assome other difficulties. As I’ve heard tell in many such cases, she not onlycompensated, she has become outstanding in many ways. She functionsbrilliantly.

I thought about my ownabilities. Almost everything on a physical and mental level has actually come fairlyeasily to me. I am flexible, well-coordinated and well-balanced. I amattractive and healthy. I never had to work hard to excel in sports or dance. MentallyI was equally agile. I was an outstanding student with little effort. I hadtalent as a graphic artist. I write easily and quickly learned how to spell and punctuate. I did have to put in some effort to learn lines asan actor, and I couldn’t bill myself as a singer. Neither of those smalldifficulties kept me off a stage or film.

SO, I didn’t work at muchof anything. Although it’s been pleasant to have things come easily to me, I suspectthat if I had to work harder to achieve what I wanted, perhaps I would havebecome more skillful than I am. Maybe I would have become outstanding insteadof just a bit beyond mediocre.

HOWEVER, there’s no pointin the game of “If only…” I’d ratherplay the game of “I’m not separate.”

If I’m not separate, I cantruly enjoy how others live their lives. I can benefit internally, empathizeand identify with them with passion and compassion.

2011-09-25T12:55:00.000-07:00

PASSION
What am I passionate about? – just about everything. I am a highly emotional person. I think I can answer the question, “What don’t I care about?” more easily, or “What don’t I like?” For instance, I don’t care much about the news. I don’t read newspapers or listen to the news on the radio. I just am not drawn to it. I don’t care about sports as an observer. When I am doing s ports, I’m passionate about it. since I am no longer involved in sports, I remember the passion I felt in the past – swimming – horseback riding – field hockey – la cross – volleyball. I remember running and running until my heart hurt. There was something passionately ecstatic about the pain. I haven’t done that since High School; although when I was on the swim team in college, I swam so much and so hard that I got bronchial pneumonia. Now I’m passionate Nia, yoga and teaching the classes I teach. I berate myself for not being more dedicated, for allowing myself to be distracted. I’m passionately distracted, easily distracted. I accept. What the hell. It’s time I allowed that I am the way I am.These days, the way I am is more happy than not.I was always a passionate reader of books. I love books, the feel, the sight, the content of some of them. I fall in love with an author, want to read everything he or she wrote. I feel as though I get to know the author when I read something he or she wrote, and there are no strings attached. After awhile, being fickle, I will abandon the person and fall in love with someone else.This leads me to how fickle I have been in falling in and out of love with people, at the same time being loyal in love, not faithful, but loyal.I have been faithful AND loyal to Steve for over 26 years. That’s an amazing record for me. Either he’s an amazing person – and he is –or I’ve grown up some – and I have – so it’s both.

2011-09-23T14:21:00.000-07:00

EMOTION

Dealing a little differently with emotion, as Life is Art. So I felt depressed. Chose to use it rather than trying to change it. Turned on the radio - classic music station and danced my feeling. Some really interesting moves emerged. Felt really good to move with the feeling. Remembered Debbie's instruction to dance feeling from the core. Being alone helped me to dance just for me in relationship to the music, which just "happened" to suit the feeling. Somewhere along the way, maybe it was something triggered by Steve, the feeling merged into anger. Without music, I danced anger. Then the phone rang and I had a long talk with Martha, a co-creator. My feeling about what we are planning to do together - a degree of excitement and hope, also a bit of anxiety about learning the skills we plan to learn. So right here, right now, I have several feelings going on. They seem to be lodged mainly in my chest and diaphragm. Maybe having just eaten might be more significant than the emotions.So what I realize is that in terms of creativity, the screen or blank canvas to paint on is with me all the time. My major source is this body, mind, emotions and SPIRIT. Sure some of it comes from the outside - maybe 2 %. The outside just called (Steve) me to abandon this and join him in our trip to visit a friend. He calls. I respond. So much anger about Steve. Yet underneath the anger, so much love - or is there?

Streetcar Named Desire

2011-09-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

9/19/11
This morning, when I told Steve one of my stories, he asked me if I was regurgitating. Tonight when I asked him about it, he said did I just tell the same stories over and over without resolving the issues they were bringing up. Yuck. I'm telling the stories that come to mind, gathering them together, so to speak, and then I'll see if any of them fit into a One-Woman piece. I'm thinking to ask other women to contribute their thoughts and stories about "Forbidden Subjects" and maybe it will be a Four Woman piece. It's amazing how I allow something Steve says to discourage me. I know that's not his intention. Maybe it would be best if I just kept writing and didn't share my stuff for now.

So last night, or maybe it was early this morning, I had a dream about “Streetcar Named Desire.” I had recommended Jeremy to play Stanley. Turns out he wasn’t good for the role, being an inexperienced actor. He didn’t make eye contact. The subject of making eye contact with students had come up earlier during the day. So here’s my” Streetcar Named Desire” story:

I had been cast as Blanche by the director, who was a bit of a hound. He complained about his wife, called her a bitch. Well, tragically, that same wife died in childbirth. At the funeral, the husband, who had spoken so negatively about his wife, was distraught. He was crying a lot. The play was cancelled. Damn! I never got another chance to play the juicy role of Blanche Dubois.

2011-09-23T00:05:00.001-07:00

9/22/11

I didn’t write yesterday. Well, there went my commitment to write every day. I did write something on a yellow pad, which is in the bedroom. At least I think it’s there. And I can recommit.Wednesday, I audited a bit of Blue Belt. A lot has changed since Carlos left, new ways of doing things, not necessarily better or worse, just different. We were doing an exercise related to Principle eight, where we were dancing an emotion. I was having a good time with it, when Debbie came over and tapped me on the abdomen and said, “Emotion comes from the core, not from the extremities.” My first reaction was annoyance. After all, I’m a trained actor. I was sure I was doing it right. Then I realized she was absolutely right on target. I wasn’t dancing from the core. Damn. You’d think I’d remember such a basic thing. Maybe that’s what Salome meant when she’d tell me to stop “Acting” and be. I would feel frustrated, because I thought was being authentic, that I was really feeling the emotion I was expressing. I wonder what it would have been like if she’d told me to sense the emotion from the core instead of my arms and face.Debbie noted that as we age, we tend to stiffen from the core. I’ve heard (and repeated) the phrase, “you’re as young as your spine.” Thursday, when I taught a class, I noted the flexibility of the spine. I used sound and to get people to breathe more deeply. Wake up the core! I’m thinking that when I get this one-woman piece together, it would be great to have Debbie direct me. I suspect she’d be a brilliant director.

2011-09-17T11:07:00.000-07:00

September 13, 2011

Last night Steve, Sarah and I attended Dr. Dream’s activation process. Mark spoke for the entire time while we sat in chairs. Most of the time we had our eyes closed. He and his assistant, Bliss, gave us drops of gem essentials on our tongues, essential oils on the palms of our hands, held tuning forks at our ears to stimulate our vibrations so that we could transform into the vibration of universal love.

I was particularly moved by the image of us being part of the big puzzle, each one a unique piece which could find its proper place. I saw the big picture as a swirling mass of colors. My piece of the puzzle was pulsing and in its proper place.

I’m noticing some difficulty in writing today. It’s not flowing the way it did the past days. This is a good time to keep writing.Last night I slept deeply.Steve and I made a reservation at a hotel in Lincoln City. I will cancel it today. Right now I’m feeling drained. That doesn’t make sense. I should feel energized. I do feel at peace; as if there is nothing I must DO.

Merging. I thought to write about merging.Boundaries melt. I merge with another. At some point, we become one organism, breathing in and out. It becomes one breath, one huge pulse of breath; everything is so vibrant, almost to the point of unbearableness. Eyes are squeezed into deep blackness, so deep that they are no longer eyes seeing; they are blackness being.

So there I am, writing. Steve comes in, sits down and proceeds to make a phone call. I ask him to go into another room. He doesn’t. I stop writing; get up and go into the kitchen. There’s food on the table. I eat. I do my best to be with the annoyance, anger at Steve for not doing what I asked him to do, anger at Steve for leaving things around, for not cleaning up after himself. I finish the salad he left on the table. I eat two pieces of bread from the bread he left on the table. I smear them with tofutti cream and orange marmalade that he left on the table. Now I can blame Steve for my imbibing more calories than are necessary. Now I can blame Steve for my inability to continue to write about Merging. Hah!! OR I can notice the surge of energy the anger gives me. I am more awake than I was. Yay.

Mark Peebler returned my call and answered all the questions I had. I shared with him my “story” about the woman who doesn’t like my teaching style. I’ve advanced a bit in that I will NOT turn myself into a pretzel trying to please everyone. The particular thing she objected to – the use of imagery – is part of what I do and it is definitely something I will continue. We’re still “friends.” At the end of the conversation I said, “Vive la difference!” She’s French. We both laughed and went on our ways.

Yes, I’m learning to empower by holding space rather than enabling by carrying someone on their journey. It’s interesting that when Mark called, I didn’t mind being interrupted. I was happy to talk with him. So much history with Steve. How can I erase it all and start anew, be in my vortex and allow each moment to be a new, fresh moment without all the baggage weighing it down?

2011-09-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

9/16/11Several days in a row, my ankles have been swollen in the evening. I researched what might be the cause. The simple causes could be too much salt, not enough activity and long periods of sitting. I’ll cut back on salt – which means eating at home, elevate my legs and move more.Watched a disturbing to me movie last night. The Sheltering Sky. Do I need to write about why I found it disturbing? I don’t want to write about that. Here we go again. I notice that I want to focus on happy thoughts. I’m learning that it’s better to do that, that happy or creative thoughts raise vibration. Yes, I notice that right this minute, my mood is somewhat low. That doesn’t feel good. I feel stuck, stuck in the images of the movie. It was not a happy movie. The people in it were rarely happy. It was certainly artistic and well done. So what! Okay, now I’m sorry that I saw it. But I did. And I can choose to let it go and go on. Today is a new day.Today I will drink lots of water, eat food without added salt and go to Siere’s three hour workshop. I will keep moving. I put on the elastic stockings Steve was given at the hospital. That feels good. The first class at Creekside Village went really well yesterday. Yay. What I notice is how easily I am affected by outer events and circumstances, how easily I’m pulled out of center. I have the power to maintain my center in spite of outer circumstances or events.Steve continues to leave the lights on, the cupboards open, the stove on. It does no good to say anything to him about it. I have been doing what I can to “leave no trace.” As I write, I think about what I can use in my One-Woman piece. What I’ve written so far seems absolutely yucky. Am I trying to impress? Am I trying to make people happy? Let that go, Kaycheri; it stops the flow, squeezes the life out of it.I feel stuck, squeezed dry, right now. I think I’ll take a bath and drink several glasses of water. I have the freedom to do that! Wow!9/16/11Several days in a row, my ankles have been swollen in the evening. I researched what might be the cause. The simple causes could be too much salt, not enough activity and long periods of sitting. I’ll cut back on salt – which means eating at home, elevate my legs and move more.Watched a disturbing to me movie last night. The Sheltering Sky. Do I need to write about why I found it disturbing? I don’t want to write about that. Here we go again. I notice that I want to focus on happy thoughts. I’m learning that it’s better to do that, that happy or creative thoughts raise vibration. Yes, I notice that right this minute, my mood is somewhat low. That doesn’t feel good. I feel stuck, stuck in the images of the movie. It was not a happy movie. The people in it were rarely happy. It was certainly artistic and well done. So what! Okay, now I’m sorry that I saw it. But I did. And I can choose to let it go and go on. Today is a new day.Today I will drink lots of water, eat food without added salt and go to Siere’s three hour workshop. I will keep moving. I put on the elastic stockings Steve was given at the hospital. That feels good. The first class at Creekside Village went really well yesterday. Yay. What I notice is how easily I am affected by outer events and circumstances, how easily I’m pulled out of center. I have the power to maintain my center in spite of outer circumstances or events.Steve continues to leave the lights on, the cupboards open, the stove on. It does no good to say anything to him about it. I have been doing what I can to “leave no trace.” As I write, I think about what I can use in my One-Woman piece. What I’ve written so far seems absolutely yucky. Am I trying to impress? Am I trying to make people happy? Let that go, Kaycheri; it stops the flow, squeezes the life out of it.I feel stuck, squeezed dry, right now. I think I’ll take a bath and drink several glasses of water. I have the freedom to do that! Wow!9/17/11Finally getting to write. I checked email, drank water, ate a banana, put radon water drops in my ears to “fix” my hearing. It was frustrating yesterday to be unable to hear some of what was being said. I suspect I will have to get hearing aids if I want to hear everything. Sometimes I do want to hear everything. We’ll see. It so often comes to the “not enough money” game. As I told Ken, I would LOVE to hop on a plane and see the opening of his new play. I would LOVE to hop on a plane and visit my daughter, son, brother and sister whenever I felt the urge. There are scads of Nia events, yoga trainings, visits to hot springs like Breitenbush I would adore to participate in. And wouldn’t it be fun to give gifts to people and organizations that help others? Oh boy, if I had scads of money, I would spend it freely. I would set up funds for my many kids, grandchildren, great-grandchildren - $100 per month for them to use in whatever way they want. They are all self-sufficient (thank God for that!), so the money would just be a little extra for them to play with. For sure I would LOVE to go to Esalen with Debbie and Karri.The deal is – I have enough for everything. We have a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear. I live an extraordinary life – really. Every day is FILLED with beauty and joy. I am so very grateful that my body – the shell that holds me – is in really good shape, and I have extraordinary tools to keep it in good shape and to even improve it. What do I mean by improve it? Okay, time for honesty here. Yes, I would like to be a bit taller, thinner, less wrinkled – a LOT less wrinkled. I would like it if my hair was a gorgeous auburn instead of a gorgeous dark brown with lots of silver-grey in it. Okay, the deal is, I could achieve some of these things – like being thinner, have fewer wrinkles, color my hair; BUT, I’m honestly not willing to do what it would take (in my experience) to achieve those goals. So there we have it. So it’s best to be satisfied, actually to be happy, with the condition of my body as it now is.So this comes to my definition of healing. The first, the absolutely very first step for change, is to honor where we are right here and now; to ACCEPT with gratitude where we are right here, right now, as the gift or gifts that have been given. That’s all I want to say about this subject right now. It’s a huge subject, one that is very much in consciousness. I sent Debbie an email requesting that I be part of Nia’s development in this area.I was always fascinated with how the body works, even to the point of considering the medical profession. The closest I got to it was my first marriage to a medical student. I took a quick course to become a medical technician and worked for doctors and in the University of Pennsylvania hospital hematology department. I have several stories about that time. One of the more amusing stories happened while I was in training. I was eighteen years old at the time. A young man, I believe he was a Harvard student, came to the lab for a sperm count. I answered the door, and after hearing his request, told him to go into the bathroom and place his deposit in the glass container which was there for his use. He proceeded to do what he needed to do and came out with container in hand. He had deposited his jism in the liquid soap which was in a glass jar instead of the empty glass jar. When I realized his mistake, I burst out laughing, and told him of his mistake. (Mind you, I was young. ) The poor guy turned beet red and said he didn’t think he could do that again. I assured him, between giggles, that he would have to wait five days to get an accurate count. He never returned. So, Harvard student, wherever you are, please forgive me for laughing at you. I hope I didn’t traumatize you forever.

2011-09-11T19:54:00.001-07:00

I have an Esalan story.It was in the early 60’s.I took my two little children and left them with my dad and his wife in Phoenix, Arizona. I then traveled to California by plane and hitchhiked my way up to Esalen where I was scheduled for a workshop with Michael Murphy. In those days, it was relatively safe to hitchhike. There I was with my long hair and short skirt. I arrived at Esalen without incident. One truck driver made a “pass,” but when I told him I wasn’t interested, he didn’t insist, and he took me to gate.At the gate I saw a woman on crutches. Her foot was bandaged. When I asked her what happened, she told me that during a workshop someone had bitten her foot. I expressed amazement that she had returned for another workshop. She simply shrugged.I checked in and began the “Encounter” workshop I had signed up for. During the second or third session, a couple (man and woman) addressed me. They accused me of trying to arouse sexual interest, because I was wearing my long hair and short skirt. They said they were going to acost me sexually – both of them. I was truly frightened, told them I didn’t want that experience. I looked toward the facilitator to protect me. He said nothing and did nothing. I got up and left the room. I never returned.I made friends with three guys and spent the rest of the week in their company and on my own. One night the four of us were looking into the black, star-studded sky. We saw a vehicle that was clearly not an airplane. A UFO? Perhaps. Another night, or perhaps it was in the wee hours of a morning, when it was still dark, I was meditating by myself at the baths. A deep voice said one word, “Accept.” I took that message to be my personal mantra, and it continues to be a powerful message. I received the famous Molly Shackman Dey massage, and when I returned to Princeton, New Jersey, I learned it to use at the Experimental Department of the New Jersey Psychiatric Institute where I worked; but that’s another story.

2011-09-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

ESALEN

2011-09-11T09:45:00.000-07:00
9/11/11Yesterday was a very full day. I think I might switch to writing at night. We’ll see. Mainly, I’ll write some every day. Today’s lesson in HOW TO TRAIN A WILD ELEPHANT is “Appreciate Your Hands.” Just finished reading the chapter. SO good. I am fortunate that my eyes are able to read; that my brain is able to comprehend; that my hands are able to perform THOUSANDS of activities. I love watching them dance. I particularly like my hands. They are extremely flexible and slender. Often when someone “reads” my palms, they comment on the strong line indicating my talent as a writer. My palms have many, many lines in them. I’ve yet to find someone who can read all the lines. The middle of the palms is indented and hot. I’m told I have healing hands. When I touch someone, they usually feel the heat radiating from my hands and receive comfort. It was a cold evening when Steve first took my hand to hold it. He was delighted that my hand was warm. His was cold. He’s often said that my warm hands was one of the major attractions. Well, I certainly didn’t plan to write about my hands this morning. I like letting the writing flow from and to wherever it goes.I was planning to write about sex this morning.Yesterday, after I told Leslie that Steve and I haven’t had intercourse in a long, long time, over a year I think, she suggested that I find someone with whom to have an affair. She also told me that when there is pain it means to NOT try to go past it to do a yoga posture. In order to sit on my heels, I’ll have to use assistance, rolled up mat and blocks or books. It’s just the way it is. I don’t know why my knees have gotten so stiff. They’re still flexible in other positions. Maybe it’s scar tissue or calcium deposits. I’m going to love them the way they are, the way they used to be, the way they will become. I’m going to allow that it’s really okay that they don’t work the way they used to work. Thank you knees for the way you support me, for the way you allow me to sit, stand, and DANCE. I’ve been impatient with you for what you are no longer able to do. Please accept my apologies. I love what you can do now and for what you used to be able to do. i promise to continue loving you as you evolve and progress.It looks like I’m not going to write about sex. That’s okay. It will happen in its own time and place. Maybe it won’t happen! Who says I have to write about sex? Well, it is and was a major part of life. It is and was, in many ways, a forbidden subject. It’s also a subject that seems to dominate. We are, indeed, a second and third chakra society. It’s time to evolve into the fourth chakra.

2011-09-10T05:51:00.000-07:00
I have an agreement with Debbie to write about what's going on with me - not just the "happenings" but how I'm feeling. This may be a one woman show. Maybe not. No pressure. I promised to have a script for her by November. So how can that happen? I woke up at about 4:30 AM with my head buzzing and buzzing with thoughts - mostly about the past. Experiences I've had. Thoughts about the experiences I've had. Judgements. Baba once told me that I had a very busy mind. Debbie once, actually more than once, told me I over analyze. Last night she told me to get into my feelings. Right now I'm free associating. Yeah. That's the way to go for now. Just write write write everyday. Don't worry about the end result. It will evolve - or not.So what am I feeling right now at 5:10 AM in the blessed quiet of this room? Well, actually it's quite noisy. I have cotton in my ears to hold the radon water drops. I'm experimenting with this technique to rejuvenate the cilia in both inner ears. In some ways my hearing loss is annoying. I miss words. I compensate; sit closer; watch more intently. Okay. Here it is. I'm living with this fascinating man. I am mostly quite fond of him. AND I'm often so ANNOYED by his behavior. Here's a list of what I find ANNOYING. That's a feeling. When I'm annoyed, actually angry, it feels like all the cells in my body are screaming, are jangling. My legs want to run away. My voice wants to scream. My fists want to pound. My feet want to stamp.The list:Teeth.Swollen ankles and feetPostureBreaking agreementsLeaving lights onLeaving the stove onLeaving cupboards openLeaving dishes and glasses aroundBooksPapersAll the illnessLosing thingsArguing with meDisagreeing with meInterrupting meTelling me what to doBeing lateHow he handles moneyYuck. Now I'm feeling really yucky. Okay, there must be some things I like about this guy. I'll make another list and see how that will make me feel.The list:His hairHis eyesHis general appearance. His touchHis mind and the way he expresses himselfExploring togetherHis sense of humorReading aloudThe way he supports and admires meHis work with new energyYeah. Steve is my best friend. He's the one I can really talk to. We've shared so much. I can be all the me's I am with him. I told him the other day that I have many personalities. So how do I feel now? I feel a core of love. I also feel sort of sad. Don't quite understand that one. I'm feeling a bit bored...like I want to stop writing. Yeah. Sure Kaycheri. Run away. If I keep writing maybe I'll touch on some scary feelings. I am scared. I'm just plain scared. That's a feeling I run away from. I'm feeling out of control. I'm scared that I'm not up to snuff. I'm scared of the snuff. So much death. Where did they all go? Where will I go? Is it just snuff? No one really knows. Well, it doesn't matter whether anyone does know. The thing is: I don't know and I HATE not knowing. Oh yeah, it's supposed to be exciting not to know. Well, right now, right this minute, I'm scared. I'm scared of being without Steve. I'm scared of being without me. Yeah. I'm scared of death. I'm scared of being helpless and weak. I'm scared of going deaf or blind or crippled or FAT. Oh how I'm scared of getting fat! When I see someone - and there are tons of someones who are FAT, I feel awful. What if I got like that? Even now, I sometimes wish I were lighter, less bumpy. Basically, I do like the body I'm in. It's strong, mostly flexible, nicely proportioned. I generally like the face and hair. So I'm scared that all that could change and that I could get FAT and crooked etc. etc. etc. Boy am I scared of the etcetera. SO, that's why I'm so mad at Steve. He's showing me some of the possibility that I might experience. I DON'T want anyone to have to take care of me the way I sometimes have to take care of him. I think I would rather be dead than that.Okay. I've touched on some of the real stuff. I think I'll let myself off the hook for now. I'll write every day. That's my commitment. I'll do that for two weeks. Then I'll see what's next. I promised I'd have a script by November. I can do that. This is the first step.

Nothing

2010-12-23T11:20:00.000-08:00
There are a number of terms to describe a particular way of being such as: Samadhi, being in the Vortex, being in the Zone. No term can replace the experience. It’s like reading the menu. You don’t have the experience until you eat or drink the food or drink. However, speaking or reading about this state of being can be a guide post to create the desire to get there and getting there.
Here is an excerpted article by Bob Klein from a system known as Zookenisis.

The Value of Nothing

NOTHING
“Nothing” simply means the natural functioning of the body and mind and the natural unfolding of one’s life and growth. When our body is working perfectly, we don’t usually notice it. It is usually only when something goes wrong that we pay attention to our bodies. When we are totally immersed in what we are doing, time flies by and we barely notice our effort. Joy then takes the place of struggle and our work is effortless.

“Nothing” is what makes the feats of an accomplished athlete seem so easy. Effortlessness is as much a result of a “mechanically efficient attention” as it is of an efficient body. If your attention is bound up or trapped in any way, the body cannot work well either. Most of us have experienced that we can do something better when no one is watching us. When we are being watched, our attention is caught up in the idea of looking good.

MIND AND BODY HARMONY
The body contains trillions of cells, each working harmoniously with the other. Yet each cell must deal with varying local conditions— concentrations of chemicals, the condition of its immediate neighbors, its own health, its proximity to the nearest blood vessel, etc. There is a natural cycle coinciding with the breath, which allows each cell to harmonize with the whole body and yet deal with its own local conditions.

One danger is the tendency on the part of a student is to brush aside the importance of this cycle in his/her rush to “progress.” The result may be permanent damage to the body. Students may try to energize an area of the body, adding more and more chi, without giving the cells time to integrate this increased energy into the system. This attitude of “more is better” can “blow the cells away,” and tear apart the meridian system. The entire body is in a delicate balance. Increased energy in one area must be counterbalanced in other areas, and this takes time.

The mechanism which coordinates this cellular cycle is what we call “attention.” In “primitive” societies, the patterns of attention were equally influenced by the biology of the body and by the natural ecology of the surroundings. Since his own cells (his own biology) had arisen from and were part of the natural environment, these two influences on the patterns of attention meshed perfectly. In more “civilized” cultures, the influence of nature is replaced by the influence of our concepts and ideas - the thinking mind. Since ideas can be freed from any ecological considerations, the influence of the mind and body on attention does not necessarily mesh well. In fact, it usually causes great conflict. This conflict is the enemy of “nothing.”Thus “nothing” is not a state of oblivion or a lack of action. It is a very active state. The state of conflict in which attention is trapped by patterns of thinking and attitudes inhibits that action.

LEARNING NOTHING
When students are told that they will feel nothing when they move correctly, they feel cheated.
Sometimes something inside the students will click and they will begin moving “from the gut.” Their usual awareness — the force that usually directs their actions — has stepped aside.
Their actions seem to be automatic, coming from “nowhere.” After they stop, a dumb-founded look comes upon their faces and they ask, “How did I do that?” Even in a form, when students’ postures are corrected and they feel an “emptiness” (lack of strain to hold themselves up), they don’t necessarily welcome that feeling. The lack of strain can be disturbing. Yet it is the basis of true balance, or “Nothing.”

THE RICHNESS OF NOTHING
It is what is left after all the nonsense is gone. It is filled with wisdom, inner knowledge and great skill. It is the intelligence of each cell of the body, with all its genetic memories, uniting without conflict and without hesitation. Once you tap that infinite reservoir of knowledge, your own body becomes your teacher. You realize that your instructor was not really your master, but only a guide to bring you to the real master. “Nothing” has become the basis for your training and for your whole life. “Nothing” is a treasure trove of riches. When attention can quiet down and sink into the biological organism (your body), you can feel the health and the intelligence of each body part and how it all works together.

THE EFFECT OF NOTHING
And by doing this, you can also feel the environmental influences that balance the activities of your individual biology. When attention is patterned after this balance, many changes take place in your perception of who and what you are. The result is basic changes in your understanding of what you are doing here on this earth. You have regained the evolutional wisdom embedded in each cell of the body. When the student returns to his form of activity, it is this effortless balance of the natural forces on attention that guides his actions. The thinking mind no longer controls his movements or intentions. The student feels uncomfortable in this situation. He must trust that this new origin of activity knows what it is doing and is reliable. This is, of course, a very presumptuous attitude, but it is hard not to feel that way. It is presumptuous because something inside you doubts that the power of nature herself, which is inside you, can’t be trusted and that your little thinking mind knows more. When you are acting spontaneously, you don’t know what will happen next. Or rather, the mind doesn’t know what will happen next because it is not calling the shots.

YOU ARE NOTHING
The more the student allows “nothing” to call the shots, the more he appreciates its wisdom. He can sense how it works and begins to understand its “reasoning.” Of course this reasoning is not thinking, but a more basic, underlying type of intelligence. The next transition of the student is to accept this realm, this experience of intelligence, as his true nature and to realize that thinking is just an activity— not one’s true identity. The student has used the currency of conflict to buy the treasure of his own self, hidden underneath the conflict. He is now the wealth of nothing. The teaching of “nothing” is a subject of the greatest complexity and importance.

Life

2010-09-16T05:18:00.000-07:00
I realize that anything and everything is a metaphor. As I sit and play free cell and spider solitaire on my computer at 3 or 4 am, I am discovering profound life lessons, just as profound as when I read books by well known authors. Isn't that odd? Isn't it odd that scrubbing pots can be as profound as doing surgery. Oh well, I could possibly save someone's life if I was a surgeon, and maybe that would have a greater or more useful effect, but would it really in the grand scheme of things? I've spent so many hours attempting to be useful, to have a really useful function, to heal or nurture; and perhaps, just perhaps, it's not something to measure. Perhaps I don't have to be so special! Anyhow, I continue to teach the few students who come to my classes, and whether or not they're getting something from the classes (and I know they are)I always do. Lately I've been working about 6 hours a week at the library; mostly shelving books, Dvds, music tapes. It's hard on the knees, but I'm enjoying the hell out of that. In fact, I'm enjoying the hell out of life these days. One of the main things I'm doing is getting my finances organized so I can just stop fretting about owing credit card companies. Fretting won't change the situation I've gotten into. Neither will beating myself up about it. I'm a great worrier. Well, I can just accept that and stop worrying about worrying. What a concept. The earth will continue to rotate on its access whether I worry about it or not. I could choose to simply enjoy my activity of worrying - watch the brain synapses. Breathe.

Update

2010-09-01T08:55:00.000-07:00
Much has happened since I wrote on this blog. I will write more later today (September 1, 2010). Right now, I just want to say that I have just completed a 21 day activity of writing that has been most useful. I will continue the process. At this moment, I'm dealing with a number of "issues." More later!

Certainty of Purpose

2010-08-02T14:37:00.000-07:00
There was never any doubt in my mind and heart that I desired to play the roles of a partner, a mother, a performer, a dancer, a yogini, a teacher, a writer and an editor. When I occupy myself in these activities, my heart sings clearly and simply. Other activities which I have done are not always so clear. I do some things in order to support myself and my family financially. I do some things because I think I ought to, that there are those who need my services. There are some things I do that have elements of both factors, i.e. a singing heart and a sense of obligation. When an activity has both, or several elements, I find myself to be somewhat “stuck”.

In particular, at this time, I’ve somehow gotten myself to create a system I call “The Gentle Way to Fitness.” I am using this system in my classes and I now have a series of cable TV appearances on DVD. The next logical step is to expand into the commercial world, either through self-production or through an established producer. I tell myself that this would be of service. I also tell myself that it isn’t necessary, that the world and those in it will survive and thrive with or without my contribution. In the past, I didn’t have these conversations. I simply auditioned for roles, practiced yoga, dance, qigong, Nia and other forms of movement joyfully. I prepare for my Nia, GWF and yoga classes with enthusiasm and when I’m teaching, I am in a state of love and gratitude. The poems and plays and articles I’ve written were done with ease and excitement. Yes, I’ve played the game at times of wondering if I’m “good enough”, and those games never stopped me from going for it.

I’m not certain why I’m so full of hesitation about the present project. I’m not certain if I should bypass my hesitation and just plow on. After all, I did years and years of “jobs” that weren’t necessarily my heart’s desire. It was necessary, so I did it. I found ways to do what I thought I had to do.
I pray that I receive guidance. In the meantime, I will do what I do, being open to receive direction from my heart, my higher self, the All That Is. Those messages sometimes come from the most unexpected places. I am listening.

Private Class

2010-07-25T02:20:00.000-07:00
I didn't intend a private class, but since only one student showed up for the Nia class I was subbing, that's what happened; and it was really gratifying. She said she wanted to work on her stamina - something I need to pay attention to also. I also helped her "get" a couple of steps she has difficulty with: cha cha cha and jazz square. I really like helping people (and myself) with detail and with pacing.

Thinking about the word "substitute." It's rather ridiculous to think in terms of substitute and preparation when this is always IT, i.e. NOW and therefore a much richer experience.

I'm feeling like when I'm teaching, I'm connecting on an energetic level. It was hot hot hot today. I am SO grateful for our little apartment pool and for the shower and the fan in our apartment. We don't have an air conditioner, nor do we have any plans to obtain one.

Class

2010-07-21T15:07:00.000-07:00
I had a good talk with Karri Wynn and my interest in producing a DVD etc. has been reignited. Also, there is someone who wants to teach The Gentle Way to Fitness. SO, I'm going to start writing more on this blog about the classes - what's working, what isn't.

I had a small class this morning and asked for feedback. We don't have a mirror in this room and one of the students said she would prefer it if I did ALL the teaching facing the class. I can see that this might be a good idea. I also use circles a lot. It keeps the energy solid. This same student said she really likes the way I do hip movements. My focus was chakra energy. I am very comfortable with the concept of chakras, because I have many years of study and practice with them. In terms of other teachers, it would be good for me to be very specific in my lesson plans or teacher dvd's. Also in terms of dvd for the public, I must remember to "assume nothing"!

Teeth

2010-06-07T16:50:00.000-07:00
This morning my husband had several teeth pulled out in preparation for dentures. I did my best to remain neutral in order to assist him in the healing process. We used BodyTalk Access. I drove the car home while he pretty much slept. It was an hour's drive. I put a subliminal healing tape in the player. Yes, it can be played while driving.

My Nia classes are going well, both the classes I take and the classes I teach.

My guest for the cable TV show I did this month is a beautiful massage and polarity therapist. She demonstrated and had me do self polarity.

As I enter this, I'm playing Chakra Dancer. I've done it a few times, but not enough to have it in class.

It's Been Awhile

2010-05-10T14:24:00.000-07:00
Started The Course of Miracles. This is a very intense course.

Regarding GWF. I now have a number of DVDs from the various cable TV shows I've done.
I continue to teach one class by that name and one Nia class. They are basically the same, since the Nia class is at a senior center.

I am now licensed for another year as a Nia Black Belt Teacher. I took the White Belt again. It was a good review.

We Learn what we Know. We Use what we Learn. We Live what we Use.

Coming up: Breitenbush Solstice. A Free GWF workshop July 10. I wake up many mornings with ideas downloaded. There was one this morning which I seem to have temporarily forgotten! Yikes. It was how to begin the 3 hour workshop. 'Twould be good to write down the messages as they come in. Well, at least I called and reserved the space and sent out invitations.

Remebering The Good Ol' School Days

2010-04-08T22:19:00.000-07:00
I remember walking to and from grammar school as an adventure including rolling down some hills, picking cherries, being chased by the mean boys from the Catholic School and finding alternate ways to get there. I don't remember what I did when it was raining, but I do remember being bundled up enough to walk through snow and all the adventures that created. I walked alone and there was never concern for my safety. Junior High and High School were too far away to walk, but I did have to walk several blocks to get to the school bus stop.

In the classroom: passing notes, spitballs, twanging the rubber in our mouths that held our braces, Maybe those things still happen - except I think teeth braces have changed. It never occurred to us to be anything but respectful to our teachers or wear jeans. It was actually fun to be smart, and we certainly felt safe. We had classes in art, music and gym. We didn't have computers or calculators. We wrote in longhand and were graded on neatness as well as correct grammar and spelling. We had after school clubs, theater and sports.

Giving

2010-03-26T12:22:00.000-07:00
I have a cable TV program called The Gentle Way to Fitness. I have no idea how many people watch and follow it. I've received a couple of phone calls and a few of my friends have told me they've seen and enjoyed it. I've finally realized that I wanted confirmation, affirmation, maybe even a thank you!

Recently I gave someone a birthday gift of a necklace I'd purchased in India. She didn't acknowledge it. I realize that I wanted an acknowledgment.

I'm told that the greatest way to give is to do so without expectation. Just as the sun shines (even through clouds) every day giving us life, so too I am learning to give whatever I have to give without expectation. This is the Joy of Giving.

Same here. Maybe no one reads this blog. Maybe hundreds do. Maybe no one's life is affected by reading this. Maybe there is transformation, healing and joy coming from this blog.

My job is to continue shining whatever light I have, to give whatever gifts I have to give - whether they are appreciated or acknowledged or not. I'm not there yet. Maybe that's why I don't always get a thank you!

Sigh.

Sguatting and the Joints

2010-03-26T12:07:00.000-07:00
I received an email asking me for suggestions regarding the Nia 5 Stages. For anyone reading this who doesn't know what they are, you can go to www.nianow.com and look them up. They are also described with pictures in the Nia Technique book. Basically, they follow the developmental stages of movement that most babies go through: Embryonic, Creeping, Crawling, Standing and Walking. In natural development, Sitting is in there also. The 5 Stages Nia Technique doesn't include sitting. Here's what I wrote to my friend:

About the "Standing" movement (squat) in the Nia 5 Stages. Here are my suggestions from personal experience:

By doing the 5 Stages consistently, I was able to get an overall increase in flexibility and strength in the joints. And yes, every time I'd come to Standing, I'd be discouraged UNTIL I accepted that it wasn't as comfortable as the other stages. I'd remind myself to love and honor my body and make adjustments to coax it into the posture and allow that it might never be "perfect." I assist myself by hanging onto doorknobs or other props - just as babies do. I make sure to breathe into the posture. This works for all postures! I do use the suggestions to get into it - i.e. widen the knees and feet. For me, it works to go right into flat feet rather than have one heel raised. You'll find your body's way. That's the key.. to find your body's way...tweak tweak tweak. I love to watch babies go through this process. I learn so much from them. One of the things I've added is to go into sitting - especially during the crawling stage.

The main thing, of course, is to be patient and loving to my body - to appreciate it in all it's abilities and disabilities. I am so very thankful that my body is as able as it is. I'm actually in awe of it! I attempt to feed it, bathe it and move it in ways that nurture it. I say attempt, because sometimes I forget what a gift it is and don't serve it as well as I could. It helps me to have people ask for assistance - Thank you!! Then I am reminded of the tools I have been given.

Being of Service

2010-03-10T12:54:00.000-08:00
A student came back to my class today. She had taken one class with me about two or more months ago. She wasn't able to continue because of her schedule. Well, now her schedule has changed, so she can resume. She told me of something I had said during that one class that stayed with her and affected her life! I had suggested the principle of Dancing Through Life by infusing our ordinary movements with consciousness and grace. Wow. Today was about the heart chakra and my heart is filled with joy and gratitude that I am able to bring something like this to humanity.

So maybe I'm not always keeping the rhythm or phrasing exactly perfect. So maybe I can't do a split or a back bend anymore. So maybe I don't look like a fashion model or movie star any more. Big DEAL! I can still say and do things that help people raise their consciousness, awareness and joy level YAY!!

Is Anybody Reading This?

2010-03-08T22:09:00.000-08:00
I won't go the Facebook Route. It's just TOO time consuming. Anyhow, this blog is read by me, and maybe that's enough. I've filled books and books of journals with my musings, and I don't share them with anyone. So maybe this is the same and I'm saving paper.

Had another vivid dream. In that one I was lost in a city that had HUGE building structuring going on - almost otherworldly. Even though I had foolishly not taken the phone number and/or address of the place I had departed from, I wasn't all that panic stricken. Somehow I knew I was dreaming.

Busy Busy Busy. We're starting a qigong/tai chi practice with some other people. I arranged a space. Steve is feeling a wee bit better. This should be really good for him to do. Me too.

Learned a new Nia routine with a group. I haven't learned it well enough to teach, but it's a start and it was good to be with the group; a gift. I was surprised that my body was able to spend all those hours without falling apart.

The caterpillar can still transform into a butterfly - perhaps not as big and bright as some others, but still a butterfly who flies.

More dreaming

2010-03-05T23:39:00.000-08:00
So here's a bit from another dream. I was introduced to someone who could tell you about yourself by the foods you liked and chose to eat. He looked at what I'd put on my plate from a buffet and told me I was someone who loved adventure, loved to try new things.

When I woke up I wondered about that, i.e. what can you tell about someone's choice of food? I know I like to see what others are buying when I stand in line at a supermarket. Who's a parent, who's giving a party, who's on a diet, who's a gourmet and who's a gourmond.

Busy busy busy these days. Life.

Taking Care of MySelf

2010-02-28T19:08:00.000-08:00
It's been challenging. My husband has lots of things going on with his body, and I am basically his only caretaker - driving him to the emergency room, picking up medication, doing my best to ease his pain. I don't want to go into any more detail.

What I am learning here is that I am in the mindset of my generation of women, i.e. it's our "job" to take care of husband, children, the whole darn world. That's me, super mom. And we're supposed to do it all cheerfully, lovingly and with compassion while putting ourselves second - or even fourth. If we have murderous thoughts, we are supposed to feel guilty.

I'm learning that thoughts of, "I want OUT." are natural, that I won't act on them, but feeling guilty about those thoughts only drains the energy more, and the resentment pops out at inappropriate and destructive times.

I was advised to come clean with my husband, whom I love DEARLY. He totally understood, which is one of the reasons I love him DEARLY. He encouraged me to take care of nurturing myself; promised that if I did, he would survive.

My dear friend and teacher, Debbie, asked me, "What do you love to do just for yourself?"

Well, today I asked myself that question and this is what I did.

I got in the car and drove aimlessly, knowing the gps would get me home when it was time. That simple activity with no purpose, no concrete result, was amazing. I so enjoyed seeing the beautiful hills, sheep, trees, homes I found myself driving through! I so enjoyed being alone. I remembered the times when I did that - just wandered, explored. I listened to the radio as I was driving - Prairie Home Companion, one of my favorite programs; then a program about polar bears. I stopped to use a restroom. When I came home, Steve was asleep. I did some work.

Maybe he'll get well. Maybe he won't. Maybe I'll learn to be less "attached" to his process. In the meantime, I can take an hour here or there to be selfish, to do something just for me and no one else. What a concept.

Dream about Carlos ( co-founder and teacher of Nia)

2010-02-19T11:32:00.000-08:00
Dream – 2-19-2010

We were in a studio – quite plain – light and clean – no mirrors.

There were several students there – me and about 12 others. They were young men and women, maybe in their 20’s. I was as I am now. We were dressed in soft, light moss-green pants and tops.
Carlos was our teacher. He was wearing simple pants and top – soft, light tan. He stood in front of us. No music. No explanation. No ego-personality. He led us in qigong type movements, repeating the same sequence of movements several times in silence. I was standing in front of the other students. We were all facing Carlos. I followed Carlos closely, aware of detail of form. He didn’t do everything exactly the same each time. At one point, two or three students were whispering and giggling. Carlos continued the movements. He went and stood in front of them. They quieted.
The session ended when one of the students walked over to the wall, faced it and went into the yoga pose of the child. We followed one by one until we were all lined up that way.

Teaching Nia and the Chakras

2010-02-16T18:53:00.000-08:00
I'm going through the Chakras in my Nia class. Today was Second Chakra (Sacral). Last week I invited them to look up info on the chakra. Today we went around the circle (12 counting me), said our names, gave one piece of info if we wanted to and told of ONE creative thing we did this morning. My creative input was how I put on make-up. When I do, I use my face as a palette and play with lots of different eyeshadow colors etc. Others spoke of what they had differently for breakfast, things they did in their gardens, how she helped a friend decorate her room and so on. Point is that daily life is just as creative as writing a masterpiece novel or painting a magnificent oil. Using the music from TransVision, we did a bit of the routine as is, and did a lot of our own thing. I have a way of having people move and stop and notice the picture they have created when they stop. At the end of each class, we go around and do "Body Gratitude" saying, "Thank you Body I feel...." I find doing this on a regular basis is excellent for awareness and for recognizing that Nia is something they want to continue having in their lives! I LOVE being a Nia Teacher!!

Back from India

2010-01-20T04:28:00.000-08:00
...trying to remember how to get the message that I'm out of town off my emails!

Everyone is asking me to tell them all about India.

For me, it was an experience of extremes. Extremely hot and buggy bitey. Extremely magnificent in so many ways. Time was totally altered. I met the most wonderful people in the world. The Nia was all I could have hoped for and then some. Unbelievable celebration of my birthday. The love and generosity showered upon me brings tears.

Since I'm back:
Arrived at 11:00 PM Monday night. My honey was there to meet me. We stood in an embrace for several minutes. My little apartment looks so HUGE. Everything is relevant.

I have some pictures and videos I took with my little camera. I'll have to find out how to download them onto this blog and/or Facebook.

All I will say at this time is that the journey was transformative in several ways. We were staying at the Auroville community which has its own basic concepts. Other parts of India were more what one might expect from that area of the world. I may write more later.

Tuesday, I did an emergency run in the morning (we work for a company called STOPS - picking people up, taking them to the doctors or therapists). In the afternoon I taught my class. It was the first in a series at the Elsie Stuhr Senior Center. I was amazed how beautifully it went. Somehow I've embodied some of the teaching vibes I experienced from the three masters - Danielle, Sabine and Phillipe.

Namaste,
Shalom,
In Lakesh,

Kaycheri

The Journey Continues

2009-12-20T21:03:00.000-08:00
Well, we completed the course - Living From Vision. Fantastic. Steve facilitated it and he did a great job. I hope he does it again so I can audit.

Also, reading Robert Fritz' book THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. I would recommend it. He points out that living in reaction or response - which is the way most people live - creates powerlessness and victomhood. How true.

Getting it together to go to India. Yes.

Meanwhile the project is moving along. I have all but ten minutes of original music to choreograph.

I am also now under the auspices of a non-profit organization. Big step towards getting grant money. The next step is to manifest a business partner. Yes, I could do it all by myself, and I prefer to have someone experienced in these matters who is excited and committed to make it happen.

Meanwhile, two local videographer/editors have expressed interest. Both of them are aware of my empty pockets and will not be held back by that.

Yes, this project is not mine, it is simply happening through my particular beingness.

The DVDs from the cable shows look pretty darn good! We will be going from 1/2 hour shows to one hour in January.

Bitch Bitch Bitch

2009-12-11T17:22:00.000-08:00
I looked at some pictures from last year's trek to India and got really bummed seeing all those young, gorgeous bodies. Sometimes I'm ok with getting old, and sometimes I HATE it!! So what do I do? I go out and get a decaf coffee and a great big chocolate chip cookie. That'll really help get rid of the 10 or so extra pounds. But why try anymore? Why can't I just accept that I'm wrinkled and chubby and love it? God knows I'm blessed to still be able to move at all and to remember most words.

Why the hell can't I learn what I teach?? - to love, honor and accept oneself; to be grateful just to be alive.

Meanwhile, we're getting really discouraged about living here. They won't do anything to upgrade the place. Our rugs are disgusting - old, shabby, permanently stained. If we would want the walls painted, we'd have to do it ourselves. The MAIN thing is the neighbors - the smoker whose smoke gets into our apartment and is killing us. None of the neighbors are people I'd want to hang out with. Am I a snob? You betcha.

My dream is to live in dignity, beauty and cleanliness among people of like mind, creative, curious, and adventurous.

2009-12-08T22:41:00.000-08:00
Kali Rose put this together for Steve's 70th Birthday.

First Chakra
I Am the Rich Red Root Support of Tribal Power,
The energy of Mystical Community and Commitment.
I am your doorway to the Divine.
I am called Earth, Moon, and Rose.
My Sacred Truth is: All Is One.

Second Chakra
I Am the Orange Special Abode of the Power of Relationships,
The energy of Partnership, Integrity, and Maturity.
I help you find your Divine Purpose.
I am called Righteous One, the Foundation of the World.
My Sacred Truth is: Honor One Another.

Third Chakra
I Am the Yellow Shining Jewel of Personal Power,
The energy of Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Spiritual Union.
I help you come of age and stand on your own Divine Two Feet.
I am called the Right and Left Legs of God.
My Sacred Truth is: Honor Oneself.

Fourth Chakra
I Am the Green Pure Sound of the Creation of Emotional Power,
The energy of Love, Authentic Power, Tranquility, and Harmony.
I help keep your heart filled with the Vital energy of Divine Love.
I am called Compassion, Beauty, and The Heart of the Tree.
My Sacred Truth is: Love is Divine Power.

Fifth Chakra
I Am the Sky Blue Purified Power of Will,
The energy of Faith, Trust, and Truth.
I help you make contact with your own Divine Plan.
I am called The Right and Left Arms of God.
My Sacred Truth is: Surrender Personal Will to Divine Will.

Sixth Chakra
I Am the Indigo Command of the Power of the Mind,
The energy of Action, Right Livelihood, and Reasoning.
I help you become a Divine Channel.
I am called Wisdom and Understanding.
My Sacred Truth is: Seek Only Truth.

Seventh Chakra
I Am the Amethyst Thousand-Petaled Absolute Power of Spiritual Connection,
The energy of Ecstatic Moments and The Power of Now.
I help you release your fear and connect to the world of the Infinite.
I am called the Supreme Crown of God.
My Sacred Truth is: Live in the Present Moment.

Judgment and Preference

2009-12-08T22:34:00.000-08:00
We all have our "judgments." I prefer to use the term "preference" in that it becomes something personal. My preference doesn't have to be yours, whereas judgments often become something we feel should be shared by others.

To attempt to eliminate judgment, i.e. preference is, in my opinion, (another synonym for judgment) unrealistic. Here are a few more words in the family: discrimination; choice; passion; likes; dislikes; beliefs.

I choose to allow you your judgments, preferences, opinions, discriminations and choices. Just don't expect me to follow lemming-like where you go; nor do I expect you to agree with my judgments, preferences, opinions, discriminations, choices, passions, likes, dislikes and beliefs.

One of my judgments, i.e. preferences, is that I dislike it intensely when someone preaches at me, tells me how I should think, act or be.

We will be expanding the Cable TV show to an hour. It was a half-hour show. I believe this will give me the time to really offer a full experience. We shall see. So now I have a few rough cut DVDs. One is Yoga, another is Qi Gong, two are movement to music (based on Nia). With my new computer, I'm able to burn DVDs - even label them. The beauty of technology. This morning I had a long talk/listen to a man who feels that all this technology has a negative effect on humanity. He's fairly young to be mourning the "good old days." Oops, there's my judgment.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying the challenge of learning the ins and outs of Windows 7. Many frustrations, many victories.

Starting to get it together to go to India. Details. Details. I was reminded of the practicality of having a container for my passport etc. to wear around my neck. One of my dear students will be loaning hers to me. She will also loan me some special packing assists. This reminds me a bit of years ago when I went of tour. Lists lists lists!

New and old Ventures

2009-12-03T12:17:00.000-08:00
Well, I've gotten myself in debt - not a huge amount, but something I want to take care of quickly.

Reason? I'm going to India for a Nia blast at Auroville Community. The airfare costs more than the room, board and classes for ten days. We also incurred a few other expenses. AND I got a letter from the IRS that I owe an additional $700 plus. My accountant informs me that, unfortunately, this is correct.

SO I asked my inner guides what to do about my concern. All of a sudden people started asking me to sub for their yoga and Nia classes. Also, I got the "message" to put it out that I am available as a writer/editor.

My debt is in the form of credit cards, so I can pay the monthly minimum and get slammed with interest. I can also pay monthly to the IRS. It will all work out. Mainly, I must release my judgment - not make myself bad and wrong. It was drilled into me that it is shameful to be in debt - that it shows lack of character. I have taken "pride" in handling money efficiently to stay out of debt. Pride goeth before a fall.

Okay this blog is supposed to be about THE GENTLE WAY TO FITNESS!

Well, it's happening. The cable TV appearances are going well. I now have a few really decent DVDs to share. We're going to continue in 2010. Jeremy and I had a really good talk over Thanksgiving and we reached a deeper understanding.

I'm feeling ready to give more classes and workshops. I can do this as a Black Belt Nia teacher also - Gentle Nia.

In the meantime - or along with it all - I am taking a course that my husband teaches. It's called "Living From Vision." This course is amazing and I know it is giving me more tools for my reaching my goals.

As my friend Lee would say, "It's all good."

Thanksgiving giving Thanks

2009-11-25T23:41:00.000-08:00
We're on our way to Seattle tomorrow to do the family thing. Back on Friday, then I'm part of a Nia Jam for canned foods on Saturday.

We purchased a Windows 7 computer.

It's been a bit of a hassle to use it.

Where's my MUSIC???

Patience Patience Patience.

Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude.

How strong can I be?

2009-11-13T09:01:00.000-08:00
Once again, my husband is in bed with another gout attack. I realize I am angry at his son, who lives in Portland and doesn't have a 9-5 job. He's a musician. He could come over and help me. The last time Steve had a gout attack and I called Jeremy and told him I was feeling overwhelmed and frightened, Jeremy told me I should be more compassionate. He didn't offer to come over and help out. He called the next day to see how his father was doing. He also apologized for being unsympathetic to me. That was the end of his support.

Steve said, "Does it give you peace of mind to be angry with Jeremy?"

Change what I can
Accept what I cannot change
And give me the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm putting together the routine I'll be doing for cable TV next Wednesday.

The best way to use my energy is to do what needs to be done and let go of the desire to have things be different than what they are.

GGRRRRR@#$%$#&*###

Dream

2009-11-11T14:19:00.000-08:00
I dreamt that Jill C. and I went in her car to Carlos and Annie's wedding. The deal was that if someone was in the first 10 cars to arrive, they could attend. We met that criteria. Jill and I and another woman (don't know who) sat in seats in the ballroom where the ceremony was to be held. Annie walked alone to the designated area. I don't remember what she was wearing, but I think it was something simple. Then Carlos came in. His hair was gray. He wore a PLAID suit jacket..looked really odd. He walked around Annie eight times. I thought that was a little odd also. In the Orthodox Jewish religion, the bride walks around the groom eight times.

That's all I remember of that dream. I dreamt it a few nights ago and didn't write down the details.

Back from San Diego

2009-11-06T13:46:00.000-08:00
Five days. Did some of the things we planned. I didn't get in touch with any Nia teachers - on purpose. This trip was specifically for Steve's 72nd birthday. We rented a sailboat and he demonstrated that he is, indeed, a sailor. He's so at HOME sailing. I, on the other hand. . . oh well, I was a good sport about handling the jib. All in all, it was an excellent trip. I did "deliberation" (see kelmanworks.com) a lot and it really enhanced my experience. Mindfulness is a good synonym for "deliberation" if you don't want to look it up on the website.

Went to class (KelmanWorks) last night. It was the last in a series. Another layer of my way of being removed itself during the first exercise. Instead of reaching for results, I allowed the moves to reveal themselves. I'm doing this more and more in my teaching and my life.

I realize, once again, that I have a lot to unlearn in order to reveal my authentic self to myself. Somewhere under all the technique, skills and ego is the brilliant light of the child who knows what she doesn't know. More and more I am trusting that child. I call her my Higher Self.

Each morning lately, I make a conscious choice to simply be happy no matter what. If my happiness depends on what's in the bank, on my back, on the dinner table, who my friends and family are, where I live, the weather, the car I drive, what I see in the mirror, the books on our bookshelves - well, I could say I'm generally happy BUT if my happiness depends on none of those things and/or circumstances - well, I can be ECSTATIC, in BLISS.

Flying free.

Honey and Cinnamon

2009-10-31T14:23:00.000-07:00
I'm really excited about this. I would add that the honey should be raw so as to maintain all the enzymes.

Cinnamon and Honey
Honey is the only food on the planet that will not spoil or rot. It will do what some call turning to sugar. In reality honey is always honey. However, when left in a cool dark place for a long time it will do what I rather call "crystallizing". When this happens I loosen the lid, boil some water, and sit the honey container in the hot water; turn off the heat and let it liquefy. It is then as good as it ever was. Never boil honey or put it in a microwave. To do so will kill the enzymes in the honey.

Bet the drug companies won't like this one getting around. Facts on Honey and Cinnamon: It is found that a mixture of honey and Cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a 'Ram Ban' (very effective) medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases.

Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly World News, a magazine in Canada , in its issue dated 17 January,1995 has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists:

HEART DISEASES:
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also, those who have already had an attack, if they do this process daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack.. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada , various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins.

ARTHRITIS:
Arthritis patients may take daily, morning and night, one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain.

BLADDER INFECTIONS:
Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder.

CHOLESTEROL:
Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol is cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol.

COLDS:
Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses.

UPSET STOMACH:
Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root.

GAS:
According to the studies done in India and Japan , it is revealed that if Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.

IMMUNE SYSTEM:
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacterial andviral diseases.

INDIGESTION:
Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.

INFLUENZA:
A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ' Ingredient' which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.

LONGEVITY:
Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder, and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also increase and even a 100 year old, starts performing the chores of a 20-year-old..

PIMPLES:
Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.

SKIN INFECTIONS:
Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.

WEIGHT LOSS:
Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach, and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.

CANCER:
Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three times a day.

FATIGUE:
Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 P.M. when the vitality of the body starts to decrease, increases the vitality of the body within a week.

BAD BREATH:
People of South America , first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day.

HEARING LOSS:
Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restores hearing.

Patience

2009-10-30T18:39:00.000-07:00
It's not about waiting for something to happen or gritting our teeth while we go through the motions over and over again to practice something. It's about taking the time to really explore what is, to listen with our hearts as well as our ears - to ourselves and to our other selves.

Big lesson for me. I have a tendency to want the results NOW, to assuage any kind of hunger NOW - instant gratification. That way I lose the joy of curiosity and exploration.

Take the experience of it's noon or one o'clock. I think I'm hungry. What do I know about REAL hunger? Thank you God for providing me with food and drink whenever I need it or think I need it. So today, instead of impatiently finding a restaurant, I decided to explore the sensations going on in my body - my feet, hands, belly, throat, eyeballs, without the label of hunger. It was really interesting.

Story Someone Sent - Let's Run Through the Rain

2009-10-24T21:37:00.000-07:00
A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,' she said.
'What?' Mom asked.

'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated

'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain,'

'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said..

'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?

'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Yoga Session and a Stupid Film

2009-10-23T07:44:00.000-07:00
I've been busy putting together my yoga session for Cable TV. So far I've done three cable shows. It's good discipline. Once I got past looking at that old broad with slightly buck teeth and a slightly chubby middle on TV (yeah that's the body I'm in current residence of) I was satisfied with the result. Let's face it, this is cable. It's good practice for me as I tend to need a specific goal for discipline.

Oh yeah, I got a look at the movie I'm in, the one where I'm sitting next to Jennifer Aniston in a yoga class. It's a split second shot in a BORING film, Management. DON'T see it!!

I would like to do another film or two before I check out. AND I would want it to be a decent role in a decent film - not in some mindless waste of time like Management. Sorry Jennifer. Would you believe they put a wig on her? Looks awful. Why would they cover that lovely hair? The film was made here in Portland, OR.

Well, my Nia teacher, Carlos Rosas, is getting married. There was mass confusion regarding the wedding reception. He had sent out an announcement asking all us Nia-ites to hold him and his bride in our thoughts. We were NOT invited to the wedding OR to the reception. Life is such a comedy.

Today's thought is "Appreciation." Do I appreciate the life I've created for myself? YES YES YES. It's a good life. Truly.

Body Alignment

2009-10-21T23:21:00.001-07:00
Before my Nia class today, I was approached by a gentleman who teaches Tai Chi. He offered to teach my class proper alignment the way he does it for his class. I reviewed it with him. There were a few variations from the way I teach it (from my experience in Yoga and Alexander Technique) and in the way he did it. Interesting.

I let him show the class and continued the focus of Body Alignment. It was a great focus.

I had the thought that it would be interesting to learn at least one new thing everyday. Just think - 365 new things a year!

A Rap Poem

2009-10-18T07:08:00.000-07:00
I have an email friend. We live 3000 miles from each other. We started emailing back and forth a couple, maybe three years ago. We send poetry to each other. I asked her permission to share this poem on my blog. Here 'tis.

“The Senior Laughing Club” by Kay Weeks

Well, I’m in such a rage
Can’t get it on the page!

Do I pout, NO! Just get it out!

Do you have any doubt
What defines the human race?
Look at my face!

It IS a race, a jealous, competitive
Stampede to the end, to the cliff

This is how it goes:

You gotta be first You gotta be right
You gotta put me down
Shove your food scraps on my plate
Tell me how I feel. Did you finish YOUR meal?

I mean, it’s war here. Let me ask:

Do you have your teeth?
Is your hair gray?
Can you see—well, not me.

Senior is a word
It means NEARLY GONE

Read GENERATIONS, the senior rag.
Sorry Mary McGraw, you’re a good gal—

But it’s all about therapy, fat pants,
Hearing aids, Planning your will,
Keeping your spirits UP for God’s sake…
Nurses, caregivers, PABLUM,
Actually I have total recall, so nix
The Vitamin B 12.

Asking you: All this down stuff.
What you gonna do about it?

I dance, draw, I love someone—well—
OK, we’re supposed to be over all that! Just a cat!
I smell the salt air, and not on my knees or in a chair.

Speaking of which, Yeah!
I know one good fall
Down my steep stairs
And it’s all over!

Let’s review that in case our memories
Are less than clear:
A young friend brought it up the other day:

Hate to demean ya
But what do you think
Sen-ya means?

Benefits, Respect, Leading, Chief, Elder, Superior?

How about elderly person, old folk, old timer
Pensioner, retired person.
Oh, here’s SENIOR EDITOR,
I’ll take that one!

How about sweet? Smell my feet!
It all means we're on our way out.
How you gonna take that? Not lying down, I hope.
Let your frustration, your anger out out out
Dylan Thomas said it best
DO NOT GO GENTLE UNTO THAT GOOD NIGHT!

Up with our spirits, up with our day.
Age is only a word, not in MY vocabulary anyway,
Now, I mean it, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
_________

October 17, 2009

Doing and Reviewing

2009-10-18T06:56:00.000-07:00
Carol. Simone and me. Three of us Black Belt Nia teachers teaching a Nia Jam. Three songs each. Afterwards, three of us at a cafe discussing our performances. Feedback. Self-evaluation. VERY helpful and nurturing. We three are a good mix. I am the oldest and softest. My strongest attributes are compassion, imagination and flexibility of body and mind. Carol is spot-on with precision, clear communication and strength. Simone presented lightness and playfulness.

During our discussion, we three reminded ourselves and each other how much we have been given by Nia and those who have embodied it.

Like any good thing, Nia isn't for everybody, but those who are drawn to it, who practice it and those who teach it benefit greatly.

Busy Busy Busy

2009-10-16T19:45:00.000-07:00
Rehearsed with my producer and the two women who will be playing the part of yoga students demonstrating the Yoga Gentle Way to Fitness, or Gentle Yoga. One will sit in a chair to demonstrate and the other one will stand and sit on the yoga mat.

During rehearsal, one of the students had a lot to say, many suggestions and directions. The producer, also someone who has done a lot of yoga, gave her suggestions and opinions. Interesting experience for my ego. I believe I was able to accept the situation with C.O.A.L. - Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance and Love. I will be teaching (subbing) a class come Sunday and a couple of the suggestions made may find their way in my presentation. No matter how many years I've studied and practiced yoga, I am always amazed at the variety and complexity available in it. And this is just the Hatha Yoga branch!

Tomorrow I'll be part of a Nia Jam. I'll be doing Traveling, Opal and Downtown from OPAL.

For me, the constant challenge is to avoid comparison where I most often place myself in the position of not as good, attractive, intelligent or appealing as the other. Silly game, n'est-ce-pas? At least I'm at the point where I catch myself playing that game and switch to following the four agreements. "Speak with Impeccability, Take nothing Personally, Assume Nothing, Do Your Best." or some other useful tool. There are so many! Like counting my blessings.

Back to reviewing for tomorrow.

May all who read this be blessed. May all who don't read this be blessed also.

I drop my pebble of love in the pond and watch the ripples expand.

Where it Stay?

2009-10-13T05:45:00.000-07:00
Steve and I have two airline tickets to go to San Diego. We arrive November 1st and leave November 5th. He contacted two friends that live there. One has moved. The other hasn't responded to his phone calls or email. On to couch surfing. They're all so YOUNG. I guess it's a generation thing. We got one response so far. The guy has someone there already.

Anybody reading this who lives in San Diego and would LOVE to have two old codgers with young hearts and minds surf their couch?

I may tap the Nia population.

Did we really do this?

What happened to being practical?

Oh well, one of our attractions to each other 24 years ago is that we are both adventurers. So far we've survived and thrived. As my dad used to say, "Money is round. It comes and goes and rolls and rolls." I have no medical insurance other than Medicaid and no death insurance. (They call it life insurance, a gross misnomer). Sometimes I wonder what will happen to my body when I leave it. I've thought of donating it to a medical school. My son might be very upset about that. We've discussed it briefly and he may want to take care of the vacated shell.

People just hate to talk about death. As far as I'm concerned, it's no big deal. It's like wearing out a pair of shoes - or maybe they're too tight. Putting bodies in boxes in the earth seems like such a waste of space and wood. The Native Americans were so much more ecological.

It's 5:40 AM. I've been awake since 3ish. Think I'll go back to reading Journeyto the Center of Creation by Ilonna Selke.

Moving right Along

2009-10-11T10:15:00.000-07:00
I was reading a couple of other blogs this morning. Blogs take on different roles. Some are entertaining. Others are used as teaching tools. Mine is pretty much a personal journal where I share my thoughts and doings.

Here goes today's blog:
SO much going on! Do I have the energy to take it all in?

I will be auditing Nia Brown Belt this afternoon and all day tomorrow. Nia continues to offer me so much. I am continually grateful to be included in it.

Saw the movie "A Serious Man" last night. Coen brothers. Omigod. It was, as all their movies, BRILLIANT!! The characters were mostly Jewish with all the Jewish "stuff". I wonder if non-Jews would find it as hysterically funny. I also wonder how Orthodox Jews would react to it. Steve and I LOVED it. I want to see it again. Of course, I am a big fan of the Coen brothers, their wacky sensibilities and obvious skill as film makers. Whenever I see a movie, I am impressed by the huge number of people it takes to put it together. It takes a village to raise a child. It takes a city to make a movie. Yes, my desire to be part of a movie gets rekindled when I see the artistry of such a one as we saw last night. The desire does not burn as it has in the past, so I will let the fire subside and satisfy myself with the activities of the day.

Yes, I thought I would be a famous movie star. If I was a famous movie star, would I be writing this blog? And if I did, how would it be? And then, perhaps it would be visited by so many people hungry to be dusted by stardust. Anonimity has its place.

We went out to a farm yesterday to help. Came home with chrysanthemums and mucho green stuff. I made a big pot of soup (with the green stuff, not with the chrysanthemums). C'mon over and help us sup it.

John Veltheim and BodyTalk

2009-10-03T21:12:00.000-07:00
I am blessed to be taking John Veltheim's weekend seminar entitled FINDING HEALTH - Mapping The Healing Process.

Dr. Veltheim is presenting the most accurate scientific and spiritual information available. I won't go into detail. Once again, one can google the name and get a great deal of information.

I feel as though each day is a universe. All my cells sing with dharmic certainty. So many of the things I experienced intuitively during childhood, young adulthood, middle age and now advanced age have been acknowledged.

BodyTalk is an extremely valuable assistance to health. I highly recommend it!

Namaste,

Kaycheri

Blue Belt and then some

2009-09-28T13:58:00.000-07:00
Yesterday I audited some of the Blue Belt. Perhaps one of the most useful principles is "The Power of Two." Without going into too much detail, the basic concept is that the "receiver" (an excellent name for the listener in a conversation) is 100% there, i.e. neutral to receive the "transmitter" who is 100% clear. I noticed that I was a smidgen better at transmitting than at receiving.

A wave of sadness poured through me as I listened and watched Carlos deliver his part. And yet, it is clear to me that I will thrive and survive whether or not Carlos is in my life. I have survived the loss of so many people! Perhaps their spirits are still floating around and affecting thoughts, feelings and experiences.

As I danced for an "audience" (2/3rds of the class), I noticed that not everyone was noticing me. I had a moment of, "Hey, I'm giving you my self; don't you want it?" Then I realized that is the way of it, and I let go. So I give and there will be some who receive - perhaps even benefit - from what I have to give. There will be those who don't notice me at all. There will be those who see/hear me and have a negative reaction. My job, my ONLY job is to find my authentic self and be willing to give that to myself. I think of the sun. It stays in its place and gives light and heat. Sometimes it is obscured by clouds and/or rain. Sometimes we hide from it in our little boxes we call home. It just burns on - and on - and on. It doesn't try to be the moon or a waterfall or a monkey. It doesn't "know itself" - it just IS.

Getting ready for the next taping for cable TV.

1. Keep your word: I'll do that
2. Don't take anything personally: Sure
3. Assume nothing: Absolutely
4. Do your best: Ah, time to get back to preparing.

But first, I'll read a blog or two.

Namaste

Multidimensionality

2009-09-24T06:16:00.000-07:00
The last few days have been VERY intense. Blue Belt Nia Teacher Douglas from Vancouver Canada drove in Monday. We both audited White Belt and took classes. I taught Tuesday and Wednesday. Douglas videotaped on Wednesday. I'm curious to see the results.

From talking and talking and talking with him (he's definitely one of my soul brothers) I realize, again, that I am a multidimensional being. This has its advantages and disadvantages. At this point, however, I am choosing to allow that it is my nature (must have some Gemini somewhere. I am also choosing to take the soup and the nuts of it. So there!

For me, one of the high points of Douglas' visit was helping him choose the gift for his lady. He bought her a lovely crystal pendant and chain.

We experienced a lot of Nia. I'm reminded of this extraordinary gift in my life.

Slept for a couple of hours and then awoke to organize and reorganize books and cd's and DVD's and made outrgeious mashed potatoes, did theater exercise assignment and started to review the songs I will be teaching during our JAM on Saturday. Now I'm on the computer to catch up with emails and this Blog.

Life is good - especially with mashed potatoes made from farm fresh organic potatoes, garlic I picked myself, real butter, a dash of cayenne, tumeric and sea salt in my stomach. Who eats mashed potatoes at 4 AM? ME!!

My students, who are all past 60 and then some, and I agree that one of the best things about aging is that we care less and less what others think about us. Freedom!

Carlos Rosas Announces his Retirement from Nia

2009-09-19T20:02:00.000-07:00
I posted this as a comment on Jill's blog and realized that I want to put it on mine for others to read. Here 'tis.

I hope you read this, Jill. You expressed so very beautifully what many of us are feeling - our gratitude - our memory of Nia, Carlos and Debbie. Carlos spoke to us who attended his class last evening (Friday, September 18th - the eve of the Jewish New Year). This was not a sudden decision. He will be with us teaching Intensives and classes until December 31, 2010. What came up for me when I read the announcement from Nia was - "Oh my God, how many classes have I missed that I could have gone to?" Is this not a typical reaction? And isn't it cool that I can get myself to more classes during the next months that Carlos will be teaching? Usually when someone leaves, it's fairly sudden and we don't have the opportunity to "make up for lost time." Thank you Carlos, for giving us this long warning of your exit from our lives as one of the Nia mavens. And of course, he is a part of us who have experienced him, as we are each a part of him. We are One.

Busy Times

2009-09-16T00:04:00.000-07:00
Well, I got a shock when I saw the DVD of our first show which will be on cable TV. Steve did an excellent job of interviewing. My speaking and demonstration of The Gentle Way to Fitness was decent- could have been tighter. HOWEVER, technically it sucked! The music was much too low, and the camera work was way amateurish. There was no background - just a stark green wall.

What did I expect? Did I expect a professional job to be done by people who are not professionals, who don't have access to the time and equipment it takes to make a slick product?

So here's what I learned. Everything is a mirror. I could have prepared more; I could have expected less; accepted what we did do and allowed it to be just fine. Ego busting. Let go of comparison. Be in the moment. Allow for expansion and growth. We will be taping 8 more shows - 1/2 hour each. Things will be better.

So much to learn! Always more to learn. Biggest lesson for me is to Accept.

God grant me the power to change what I can, accept what I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.

Jeremy is putting together some more new music.

Tonight I attended a three hour class in BodyTalk Access. I will attend the second half - also three hours next Tuesday night. Thursday starts my new session of KelmanWorks. Saturday, Vinn Marti is giving a free Soul Motion class. Friday night starts Rosh Hashonah - the Jewish New Year. Next week Elsie Stuhr Senior Center starts classes. I will be teaching two of them - depending on registration. Thank you God-Self for all these extraordinary activities and for the love and beauty permeating All That Is!

Fitness

2009-09-13T12:55:00.000-07:00
Fitness is a way of Being. Yes, I meant to capitalize being. Usually, when one says someone is fit, one means that someone is healthy in mind, body, emotions and spirit. The way to be fit is an ongoing journey - many paths. I am convinced that one size fits all, i.e. that there is one right way, is ridiculous. My way to become fit may not suit another. There are SO many paths to the goal of fitness. It's exciting and delightful for me to explore as many of them as I have time.

Fitness of Body:
1. Nutrition - what we ingest - water, food, air
2. Exercise - how we move - how we are still

Fitness of Mind:
1. How we think
2. What we read, listen to, watch

Fitness of Emotion
1. How we choose to react to what is
2. How we express our reactions

Fitness of Spirit
1. Our individual attitude and ideology

Fitness of Soul
That's already perfect. Accept it!

Some of these overall definitions collide and some merge.

How about I ask myself in each moment, "Does this serve me on my journey to fitness?"

Some of what DOESN'T serve me: comparison, self-doubt, belief in limitation, giving in to dumbing down TV and other stimulation, certain foods.

What DOES serve me may or may not serve you. I just finished reading Tom Robbins latest book, In Cognito. It serves me to read anything that man writes!

Just to share - what serves me is an attitude of gratitude. What serves me is opening to love in all its forms.

Reading Vinn Marti's journals (blog the name if you're curious)and what he says about music - yes. Choosing sound serves me. It's all vibration. It's all music. I choose to take it in as energy. Thank you God for giving me a voice that is pleasant to others, that serves as a tool for healing. Well, I could go on and on.

What serves me now is to get outdoors in the sun. Later.

Vinn Marti

2009-09-13T05:02:00.000-07:00
Yesterday (Saturday, September 12, 2009 – Cosmic Yellow Human) was an extraordinary experience for me. I attended Vinn Marti's Soul Motion class. During the first part, I was flooded with emotions, memories and realizations. I watched myself thinking and feeling. After our break, I simply danced. One of the many thoughts that crossed my mind is how I hide behind technique. Another thought that crossed my mind is that in some ways I actually prefer being alone, certainly prefer being free of concern about my or anyone’s judgment or opinion.

I’ve been thinking about Vinn and about me since we danced together years ago. Years ago, I was somewhat in awe and afraid of him, considered myself small and insignificant in comparison. I still see him as someone who is an extraordinary and beautiful being with so very much to ignite; but somehow I’m not quite so timid in his presence. It was really really delightful to actually dance with him – something I didn’t dare do in the past. I’m not sure if this is due to my increased confidence or that he is more available to us/me. I was aware that he was communicating energetically a lot. The channels seemed so open.

Jill, I still can't get to your blog! I miss reading your entries.

It's growing!

2009-09-09T15:12:00.001-07:00
I've changed the name at Friendly House from "Nia" to "The Gentle Way to Fitness". Wow. That's a big step.

Today we focused on (among other things)how to take GWF into our lives - showing how we can walk down the street with awareness and do specific things to honor our bodies. The mats weren't available for the floor work, so we did some things in chairs. Whatever we did in class can be taken into our daily living. At the end of class, I asked the students what specific thing they might continue. Several of them liked the idea of walking with their palms facing front - which opens the chest and helps avoid dowager's hump. Others liked the idea of looking out with soft eyes instead of looking at the ground. They were all interested in continuing the chair movements to break up their computer time. The movements taken from "Brain Gym" - an excellent little book will also be quite useful. Oh yes, we spent some time exploring various ways to do turns.

Steve took the class. He tells me that he falls in love with me all over again when he takes one of my classes. Guess I'd best continue.

I'm going to Inda for Nia-India in January to celebrate my 77th birthday!! Whatever it takes, I'm going to do this.

Breathing health. Breathing Joy. Breathing service.

Yes.

First taping

2009-09-07T16:10:00.001-07:00
Friday evening we went over to the cable station. We were there from 4:45 to about 9:45 taping two half hour shows - one for The Gentle Way to Fitness and one for Areanne channeling for two people - me and Valerie.

Everything seemed to go quite well. I'll know better when I see the final result.

It was fun to treat myself like a star. I went over to New Season's at 3PM and had my face "done" by Renee. She did a beautiful job - really brought out my eyes. Of course we didn't even try to hide the wrinkles and gray hair. After all, the whole idea is that an elder can still move around like a younger.

*************

Today I watched a couple of clips of Nia on some of my friends' blogs. The people dancing so beautifully were all young - no one looked older than 40 tops - in great shape - mostly women. This is typical of the advertisements for fitness programs. It is disappointing to me that Nia, which claims to be for everyone, is shown in such a limited fashion. I love Nia. I love doing it. I promote it a lot. I send people to the website. I WISH there were more people like myself, older with a less than perfect body, being shown.

Jeremy, my music producer, came up with a GREAT idea. Have a camera follow me as I take The Gentle Way of Movement into my daily life.

I still don't have a videographer/editor here in Portland, OR to work with me on the DVD. HOWEVER, I'm told that after the proper amount of time, I can use the footage from the cable company. That would be awesome!!

I also still don't have any funding for this project. I'm not in the head/heart space to find out how to write a grant or get a promoter. There have been a few seeds planted, but they are not being watered at the moment. Right now the major thing seems to be to develop the actual program. The 15 minute "taste" I presented is an excellent beginning. I awoke Saturday morning realizing what I had done. I love the way SuperConscious realm works with us. I may be more specific another time.

Yesterday we went out to RiverSong near Hood River. The 90 acre sacred land is up for sale. That's an whole other journey!

Life is so speedy these days. At times it's a bit exhausting.

Final bit of personal news..oh yes, this blog is totally a personal sharing...no great insights, lectures or art...just me being me for any of you who find that remotely interesting, amusing or identifying with...and again, if noone but this one (i.e. me) reads this blog, it's enough!

SO - I'm determined to go to India for the Nia at Auroville in January. What a way to celebrate my 77th birthday. I'll be calling Danielle tomorrow specifically because Sabine and Phillipe have advised me to do that when they are with her. Do I have the money in the bank to do this? No. Am I determined to let nothing stand in the way of this intention? Yes. I don't know why I want to do this. I'm letting go of any expectations about it. I just know I will be in India on my birthday - January 13th!! Omigod!

YES!!

Technology@#$#@$%

2009-08-31T23:13:00.001-07:00
All of a sudden I can't get to other people's blogs. A while ago I was able to click on the person's name when she left a comment and I'd get to her blog(s). Now I'm told it's not available. So how do I become a follower?

It used to be we'd visit, write a letter or call on a telephone to communicate. Now we have Facebook, YouTube, Twitter etc. etc. etc. Oh sure, we can still use the old fashioned ways - I guess.

I'm really aware of when the ego is running the show, opening and closing the curtain.

So today we (Valerie and I) had a meeting with my producer, Areanne. I've written the script for the interview Steve will be conducting to introduce me and The Gentle Way to Fitness. Then I will be demonstrating a bit of it.

Is it Nia? Yes. Is it yoga? Yes. Is it dance? Yes. Is it theater? Yes. Is it qigong? Yes. It's all of these and more and none of these. It's energy manifesting as matter.

So here's the interview:

Introduction:
Steve introduces himself, me and the Subject:The Gentle Way to Fitness©

S: What is it?
The Gentle Way to Fitness© is a journey of the body from loving where you are to getting to where you want to be and loving that. We use movement and music.

S: Is it dance?
In that life is dance – yes. In that the purpose is to perform – no. The purpose of
The Gentle Way to Fitness© is very individual, very personal.

S: Is it exercise?
You could call it that. I hesitate to call it that, because the word “exercise” brings to mind jumping jacks and lifting weights. The Gentle Way to Fitness© focuses on movement that is natural, that could be part of life.

S: Well, I guess the best way to find out about The Gentle Way to Fitness© is to do it.
Yes, it’s like the difference between reading the menu and eating the food.

S: Is The Gentle Way to Fitness© for everyone?
It could be, but I must admit that it started out to be particularly designed to meet the needs of an older population as well as people who have some physical concerns such as obesity and/or other conditions that require a careful use of their bodies.

I understand you teach classes in The Gentle Way to Fitness© and that you are in the process of creating a DVD. How did it come about?
My students asked me to provide a DVD for them that they could watch and work with at home. I recommended some existing DVD’s which they purchased. Although they enjoyed them, they felt that the DVD’s were somewhat challenging for them and requested that I make one that was similar to the classes I teach.

S: What is the philosophy you bring to your classes and that you would bring to a DVD?
In all my teaching, I wish to impart the love and respect for the truly miraculous beings we are – matter created from energy; and that matter is complex, efficient, and absolutely beautiful. We have the capacity to create and recreate our bodies, even our destinies, through our thoughts leading to action. My desire is that I and my students take the miracles we discover in class into every aspect of our lives.

S: What background and training do you bring to this program?
I have always loved to move. As a child and teenager I was heavily involved in sports and took dance lessons and music lessons. In college, I studied dance with one of the original members of the Martha Graham Dance Company. I went on to study many forms of dance and soon found myself teaching, performing and doing choreography. One evening, I was riding to a rehearsal on the back of a motorcycle. We got hit by a car and the tendons and ligaments of my left knee and below were torn. It took a couple of years to heal well enough to walk normally and many more before I could dance almost as easily as I had before the accident. I took up Yoga and once again, found myself teaching it. It seems that whatever I study, I teach. Somehow, whenever I learn something, I can hardly wait to share whatever it is. Nineteen years ago I discovered Nia, a magnificent form of fusion fitness embodying elements from dance arts, martial arts and healing arts. I took all the Nia Trainings including White, Blue, Brown and Black Belts and the 5 Stages of Development. I have been teaching Nia to a wide variety of students for over seven years.

S: Anything else you can think of that is part of The Gentle Way to Fitness©?
Philosophically, I have studied and participated in a variety of spiritual and ethical teachings which I am certain influence my approach. I’ve explored the work of Moshe Feldenkrais and the Alexander Technique. I’ve been practicing qi gong, a Chinese practice that works with energy.

S: Sounds like you have a lot of ingredients in this soup! I won’t even ask you to define all of them!
We can do that another time. Before I forget, I want to say that one of the major trainings of my life is KelmanWorks.

S: What’s that?
In 1980 I met Scott Kelman who was in the process of teaching theater exercises based on mindfulness and body awareness. I studied and performed with Scott in Los Angeles while I lived there and when he moved to Portland, I studied with him here. Scott has passed on and Melanya Helene, a gifted teacher, is continuing the work and adding her own technique. I am also a trained and experienced actress. I’m sure my acting career is helpful in teaching fitness.

S: Please elaborate on how your acting career has contributed to your teaching.
Have you got about an hour? I think it would serve everyone to have acting training. I think of acting training as life training. It includes sharpening your senses, body awareness, empathy, learning how to communicate authentically, being willing to let it all hang out, being willing to take risks, learning to really listen to yourself and others. And of course there are the simple skills one learns – how to project, how to enunciate clearly, how to modulate your voice. We learn how to witness. There’s that space that watches. I’ve been in lots of situations – especially on tour – where I’ve had to adapt and adjust. That ability has held me in good stead as a teacher.

S: In all this background and experience, what would you say is the most important aspect you bring to teaching fitness?
The most important aspect I bring to teaching fitness, especially The Gentle Way to Fitness©, is that I absolutely love what I do.

S: Where is all this taking you? What’s in your future?
I will teach classes and give workshops whenever, wherever and for as long as I’m able and as long as I love doing so. The plan is for me to give a series of classes on this cable station. I’m pretty excited about that. I’m committed to creating at least one DVD. That has been an amazing journey so far. I’m looking for someone to appear who will help me fund it, write a grant, find a sponsor – something.

S: I have a feeling that may happen. Do you mind telling us how old you are?
Well, I’ll tell you that I am the oldest certified Nia teacher and that I was born in January of 1933. You can do the math.

S: You seem pretty healthy. To what do you attribute your fitness?
Well, if I’m going to teach The Gentle Way to Fitness©, I’d best model it. The basic ingredient, as I said at the beginning of this interview, is to bring love, respect and gratitude to everything I think, say and do. I’m not always successful in following my own instructions, but the intention is there and as it is said, “When the intention is clear, the means will appear.”

S: Speaking of modeling, would you like to give us a taste of your classes on cable and ultimately on the DVD?
I’d be glad to. So this is just a taste, not the whole meal.

Up and Down Down Down

2009-08-24T23:43:00.000-07:00
Yesterday Steve and I had a "discussion." I won't go into detail 'cause that's not what it is/was about. I'm not even sure WHAT it was about. What I know is that I went into a real tailspin. One of the things I did was to get into the car and drive to an ice-cream parlor, purchase and eat a sundae. Then I went to Powell's and bought a book and a bag of jelly beans, which I consumed. Why am I sharing this information? What occurred as a result of the blast of sugar was that I was awakened during a subsequent troubled sleep with leg cramps - both calves. Triple ouch. So I said in my drama queen way, "Hey God, I asked you to get me out of this vale of tears, off the planet, not beat up on me." Anyhow, I'm still here, again and once again determined to avoid refined sugar!

I'm past the bout of depression/despair. Steve and I are still together.

One of the things that came up and what I want to share in this blog about The Gentle Way to Fitness is that I've decided to take the pressure off myself; be less ambitious. So maybe there will ultimately be a DVD and maybe there won't. Right now I'm only committed to the cable TV show.

I subbed for a Nia class and meditation class again (same one as last week). Both classes increased and the feedback was very positive. I did a chakra meditation - guided the class to investigate the chakras themselves rather than feeding them information about color, sound, etc.

Last week I did Agolo. This week we began with the 7 minute workout (5 Stages for 5 minutes, up and down for 1 minute, laughing for 1 minute). It was a great way to get into a semi-spontaneous routine.

Purpose

2009-08-23T14:46:00.000-07:00
It is said - somewhere - that we are here for a purpose. We do not necessarily know what that purpose is. It may be something as small as the smile we flashed at someone and that someone thought better of his or her plan to end it all, or it may be something as dramatic as discovering the cure for cancer. Whatever it is, once we have fulfilled our purpose, it's time for the spirit to move on and the body is disposed of by what we erroneously label as "death."

Last night while I was doing Tarot readings, I sat across from a young man who asked me if I believed in past lives, i.e. reincarnation. His shoulders were held forward and up in a vain attempt to protect his neck. He told me that he couldn't bear to have anyone touch his neck and that he believed that the cause of his fear had to do with a past life in which he'd been hung, strangled or beheaded.

I assured him that one of the movies of another of his many lives may well have had such a scenario, and I told him that it would not happen again. We looked at some cards and talked a bit more. When I'd completed the five-minute reading, my left arm reached across the table and the fingers of my left hand gently touched the right side of his neck. His eyes widened, his shoulders relaxed and he said, "I didn't flinch! That was fine!"

I had no idea that I was going to touch him. It was totally spontaneous. All I felt was agape, and so did he.

Whether this moment will be permanent, i.e. whether or not he is no longer afraid to have his neck touched, I don't know. I do know there was a moment of healing, a moment of connection, a moment of peace.

And that is enough.

I'm still here. I awoke this morning to discover I haven't completed the contract. If and when I do, I'm ready.

By the way, Jill, I am NOT making a Nia DVD. Only Debbie, Carlos and Jeff can do that. None of us can make a Nia DVD and sell it. We can, however, promote Nia on YouTube etc. In fact we are urged to do so.

I AM in the process - on the journey - to make a DVD. It will be a DVD of THE GENTLE WAY TO FITNESS.

Ups and Downs

2009-08-22T00:37:00.000-07:00
Busy day today. My friend Cynthia and I met to coordinate our gig tomorrow night. We are both reading Tarot cards for a fundraiser. We did a three card spread for each other. First card: Special Gift - Second card: Challenge - Third card: the Next Step.

The reading for me: My gift as the three of cups - creativity, flow, love and joy. My signature is, after all, Resonant Dog. Challenge - Two of Swords. Ah yes, my own self-judgment and/or lack of confidence. The next step - the nine of cups: Just do it - fill it up!

Getting ready for the taping on September 4th. I can do this. I WILL do this. I spoke to Jeff and he suggested I write an email to him and Debbie. He wanted me to do a Nia class for cable! I will be bringing Nia in and supporting it, with their permission of course, but this will be what I have to offer, The Gentle Way to Fitness. Am I scared? Oh yes. But I HAVE to do this. Years ago, a drama teacher, who chose her students, asked me why I wanted to be an actress. I answered that I had no choice. She accepted me as her student. Creating The Gentle Way to Fitness feels same way. I seem to have no choice. I'm in the river.

It is suggested to me that I put it out on Craig's list to find a fundraiser. Good idea.

I now have business cards. They arrived today. The website is in progress. And of course I have this blog.

Received the following in my email box.

BANK ACCOUNT
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away.. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing. 'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Business Cards and Other Business

2009-08-17T16:28:00.000-07:00
I don't have a web page yet. That should happen soon. In the meantime, with Val Rossi (GWF's Executive Assistant) we designed business cards and will order them from Vista Print - just to get started.

The overnight at Eagle View Bed and Breakfast was everything we wanted it to be. Even though the in-the-bathroom jets didn't work in the tub, the outside jacuzzi made up for it. I was there alone under the stars. The breakfast was vegetarian and lovely - very yin, but so what? We meandered up the coast under clear, sunny skies and actually snoozed on the Pacific City Beach.

I'm subbing for a Nia class tonight. Reviewing Agolo. Haven't taught that one in quite a while. As much as I enjoy mixing it up and creating on the spot, I really really see the value in using the Nia routines the way Debbie and Carlos have designed them. They are both so skillful in the way they speak to the body.

I talked to the new head of the studio, Maria. She was put there from a different position in the office. The dance goes on.

It's happening!

2009-08-13T22:21:00.000-07:00
Just opened a new gmail account. GentleWay1@gmail.com. Monday I'll start putting together a website (with assistance of course). Business cards to be created. Don't have the perfect logo yet, but it will manifest.

Pretty soon, I'll be on Cable Access TV.

Steve and I are running away together for an overnight at a sweet bed and breakfast on the Oregon Coast. No computer - no phone. Just trees, water, birds and sun, yes!!

Life is good.

The Gentle Way of Movement Class - Seniors

2009-08-12T12:43:00.000-07:00
Today I taught six women. For these very small classes, I am able to check in with each student to see where her energy etc. is and what her intention for today is. The intentions that showed up were: increased flexibility, balance, attention to the shoulder girdle, general energy and decreased mind chatter. We had one new student. Her intention was to see what this class is about and if she would want to continue. Personally, I felt quite balanced and in good energy - no pain or discomfort anywhere. My personal intention was to find new ways to move. All the intentions were met. The new student is very enthusiastic about what we are doing and plans to continue.

The focus of today's class was Touch. I used the word in its broadest sense - actually the kinesthetic aspect. This was a beautiful focus. Very healing. Outer touch. Inner touch. The touch of breath. The touch of sound.

The music combination worked very well. I kept the "steps" simple. The free dance section was lovely.

The Station

2009-08-11T16:33:00.000-07:00
"Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train.

Out the window we think of the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of rows upon rows of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day on a certain hour we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering-waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.
When we reach the station that will be it!!! We cry.
When I am 21! When I buy a new BMW! When I put the last kid through college!
When I pay off the mortgage! When I get a promotion! When I reach the age of retirement! I shall live happily ever after!

Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive for once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.
Relish the moment is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24. This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regret of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves that rob us of today. So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice creams, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less.

Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough." -unknown

Home Again

2009-08-10T10:02:00.000-07:00
I call Portland, Oregon my home. It's only a temporary place on my true journey to home. My true home is that vast place of no where, no thing.

Catching up on emails and Facebook. A bit underwhelming.

The weather today is delicious. Heat wave has passed and in its wake the sun has become gentle. The air is sweet. It beckons me to dance under the few fleecy clouds.

I will be teaching classes in Nia and Yoga as a "substitute" a few times this month. Interesting word - substitute.

Took a Nia class with Liz Ganz yesterday. Her focus was: smile! It was a marvelous entry into Joy. Liz is a tall, willowy, wand of grace and love. I am in gratitude for being able to attend any class she teaches.

Much to do.

New Mexico

2009-08-06T13:23:00.000-07:00
We've been here a week - and what a week it's been. Today is Blue Lunar Eagle. It couldn't be more dualistic (lunar vibration). Much magic. Much manifestation of the impossible becoming possible. AND suffering with Steve. We were in ER for more hours than I can remember - or want to. It's the gout. We weren't sure if it was something else. This attack is a little different. I won't go into the gory - or gouty - details. So he sleeps and sleeps and sleeps. He is doing that in response to the medication given now. Yesterday and the day before, he was doing it in response to his body's own wisdom; but it was a bit scary, so we took him to ER. It was good that we did so, even though we had to wait for about four hours before he was taken to a room. Yes, ER is a busy busy place in Albuquerque, NM. The trip has been much more than what i'm writing about here. Much much more. The Tesla Tech conference was magnificent. i personally made a couple of contacts that might manifest into some VERY useful and exciting pathways.
Even though I brought my Nia togs, I won't be taking any classes. I have been, however, working on my script for video classes and the DVD. Inch by inch - in its own time and its own way. As usual, I read some books while here. My daughter, Helen, is a school librarian. We share the love of books and she has even more of them than Steve and I have. And of course they are all catagorized and arranged.

So, what I want to blog about is this whole illness, wellness, age, life, death mystery. WHY WHY WHY is my husband, a dear, kind, brilliant man, beset with all these dis eases? And WHY WHY WHY did I attract this into my life? We are both following the path to enlightenment (whatever the h_ _ _ that is) to the best of our ability to surrender, to act and to know when to do each. I'm told "why" is a crooked letter and to seek an answer is a dead end, a waste of time.

1. Be impeccable
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Assume nothing
4. Do your best

Plans are made. Plans change. Action. Interaction. Within. Without.

In this moment my stomach is happy. The house is quiet. The two lovely cats are asleep. Steve is asleep. Helen is working (at school). Her male companion, Lester is around and about somewhere doing something. I am writing, listening to my husband's gentle breathing nearby, listening to the air current - it's a slightly different air conditioning system. Steve just woke and asked me if Michelle (Obama) got her household situation worked out. He was dreaming. He said, "I was multi-tasking in my dream." He lapsed into sleep immediately after that information. I 'spose he'll return to his dream or to another.

Am I dreaming? Of course.

Nia is now officially a noun. I, however, am a verb - always moving, always changing. Alive alive oh.

I wander. I wonder as I wander.

Time to check on the rest.

Aloha.

The Day Out of Time

2009-07-25T14:14:00.000-07:00
High energy for healing.
I attended Nia this morning - first time in a LONG time. Debbie taught. We didn't greet one another. I made it up that I am nothing and no one to her. Doesn't matter if that's true or not. What matters is that I don't NEED to be anything to anyone but myself and God - and I'm not really so sure about God.

After class I went downstairs to buy calendars. Jeff was there and we had a healing. I am copying the email I sent to Debbie and the one I sent to Jeff on this blog.

Hi Debbie:
Excellent class this morning. I particularly enjoyed the way you alternated the build up of energy - heart rate etc.and then slowed down to allow for recovery and integration - beautiful spiral up. I didn't stay for the whole class, so I didn't have a chance to experience the spiral down and to thank you personally.

It's good to see you. It's been awhile.

Hugs,
Kaycheri
Floppy elbows all day

...note: I make it a point to personally thank the teacher of any class I take, and if it's appropriate to be specific about my gratitude.

The title of the following is Synchronicity:
Hi Jeff:
If I hadn't dragged myself down to the studio today especially to buy calendars --
If there had been some in the studio --
If Julia and I hadn't left at the same time so I could ask her if I could purchase same from the office --
If you hadn't been there --
If I hadn't interrupted you to say hi and hug --
We wouldn't have had the wonderful conversation and tears to clear.
I am at peace now that I understand that it wasn't that you didn't value my work, but that it makes sense to have this kind of work done in-house. I totally agree!

Ever onward and upward in consciousness!

Namaste,

Kaycheri

Progress

2009-07-23T14:43:00.000-07:00
Today is my recovery day. Tuesdays and Wednesdays seem to be somewhat demanding between teaching and traveling. So I've designated Thursdays as recovery. Thursday nights I have regular guided meditation/activation sessions at the Crystal Temple. I can choose to go there or not. It isn't obligatory as are my teaching gigs - which I love dearly, but they are definitely a responsibility.

Tuesday afternoon: Had a great meeting with Val, the executive assistant of GWF. Lots of progress which I won't go into now.

Also, an excellent conversation with Jeremy this morning to clarify our positions. He IS the music director. His only concern was that I might be waiting until he had completed the entire CD before moving ahead. I assured him that this is not and never was the situation.

Goal: I'm intending to bring a video camera into my world. It is interesting to see how this will happen. If anyone reading this blog has a camera he/she is willing to give or loan for this project, please please let me know. Even more exciting would be someone who lives in this area who would enjoy being the videographer for my classes now and possibly more involvement later.

Seek and ye shall find. Ask and ye shall receive.

So who's this "ye"???

Off to play in the sun.

Continuing on the Bumpy Road and "Wit"

2009-07-17T22:15:00.000-07:00
First of all, I want to write about the movie "Wit" with Emma Thompson. It's about a college professor who is being treated for Ovarian Cancer - not a comedy to be sure. It was so very real - brings you into the hospital and doctors and nurses and their machines. Steve and I were mesmerized watching it. Ms Thompson, as to be expected, was absolutely brilliant.

Concerning the DVD/CD. I subbed for a Nia class this morning - Opal. I stayed with Nia almost entirely. I did play the "name game" and "free form" - techniques developed from KelmanWorks. The beauty of Nia is that it has room for expansion. The students, especially those new to Nia, expressed appreciation for my approach - which is more and more coming from the gentle way to fitness.

It's just too too hot today. No word from Portland Media. I'll call or email again on Monday. In the meantime, it has been suggested that I contact Tualatin Valley Cable Station. I think it would be awesome to have a GWF (Gentle Way to Fitness) class on cable as a precursor to the DVD. I did purchase a domain name - not ready for a website - everything in its time.

I had a rather unpleasant experience mid-afternoon. It was as if I was totally depleted of energy. I've been really stressed about Steve's attack of gout. I don't want to be a caretaker - pure and simple. Anyhow, I'm pretty much recovered. Breathe. Breathe. (Funny, that was the focus for the class this morning - just remembered!)

Well, today was the final day for the new Black Belters! Yay for them. Yay for Carlos who guides them. Yay for the spirit of Nia.

Bumps Along the Road

2009-07-15T07:30:00.000-07:00
The creator of music for the CD and DVD informed me yesterday that the project is not his first priority. His first priority is "#1" which is himself and his wife. Once again, the lack of funds is an issue. He isn't removing himself from the project; he's putting off creating more music until he has the time and inspiration. I'm not sure what to do about that. I can work with what we have so far - which is what I have been doing. I can find music elsewhere for the remainder of the DVD/CD. I'll hold off on that recourse for awhile.

The conversation brought me to realize.

Whether we admit it or not, our first priority is the self, not the Self. I delude myself when I think I am dedicating my life to service. It's about survival, the ego and the gratification of ego.
Everyone has different levels of enthusiasm about an idea.
"Expectations will get ya every time." - Steve Kaplan

So the question is: How much do I want to do this? How really dedicated/focused am I on it? Is it simply a good idea or is it a passion? Can I avoid distraction? This is a lifelong issue for me. I read about artists who are totally dedicated to their art. They achieve great things, but are they happy? Maybe it isn't black or white - another of my tendencies is to perceive things as all one way or another.

Honesty - Passion - Dedication - Satisfaction

Following the Path of Intention

2009-07-12T13:10:00.000-07:00
Sometimes it's delicious to do something alone. Yesterday I went to a street fair alone. Steve was out of town and I didn't ask anyone else to accompany me. I wandered from booth to booth - had long conversations with some of the booth owners and no conversation with most of them. I bought lemonade and a bread, cheese and olive thing. I took a few bites of the bread, cheese and olive thing and threw most of it away - something I almost NEVER do! I danced to a band. And THEN, I discovered why I had come to the fair. There was a booth about media. I made a GREAT connection to further the DVD/CD project. I'll write more about that when it evolves.

I left the fair and returned to my car. As I slowly walked the several blocks back to my car, I drank in the beauty of the trees, flowers, people and houses. I saw a most extraordinary house. It was large and painted purple. It was a magical house. I just HAD to go up the steps and walk all around it. It seemed that no one was home. After circling the house, I sat on the steps for awhile.

Connecting, merging, parting, imbibing, expressing, alive in silence and sound, separately being all one.

I will read this entry in the future and relive those hours. If another reads this entry, he or she will recall his or her own magical mystery tour - or not. I must learn and remember that it's not my responsibility to create another's experience. I'm NOT everyone's mommy - even to the children that came out of my body. My son will have lived 47 years tomorrow. Egads and little fishes! Wasn't it just yesterday that he was an infant at my breast??

Queen Nefertiti

2009-07-10T03:16:00.000-07:00
Her name means "beautiful." She was/is, indeed, beautiful in body, mind and spirit. She and her consort king worshiped the sun. They were monotheistic Egyptians. The mystery is of her death. Unlike other monarchs of the time, she was not mummified. She reveals to me that she did not die in the way we understand. She lives in me and in all the women who are imbued with the spirit of beauty as we walk and dance upon the earth.

"Like a tapestry in three dimensions, the patterns of our lives weave in and out, among and between the threads of our awareness, softly hinting that within each thread lies a galaxy of others." - Gill Edwards

Yoga and Mothers

2009-07-09T14:35:00.000-07:00
I took myself to a yoga class this morning.

The class was taught by a dear friend of mine. Her technique, demonstration and explanation of the various pranayama, asanas and vinyasanas was impeccable. What was missing for me was any resting and going within to integrate what we were doing as we were doing it. I also did not hear any reminder of what benefits might be available. Fortunately, she didn't ask me for feedback! The whole session felt mechanical and demanding on my body. Of course it is my responsibility to fill in the gaps and take care of my personal needs. And it's always a good lesson to me as a teacher to see what others are doing, not in a negative, judgmental way - as I am prone to do - but in a way to benefit from what they do that "works".

*************

Woke up thinking about Thelma Axelrod who left the planet 14 years ago. She was 82 years old. Thelma was my "mom". I put that in quotes because she didn't birth me. The woman who birthed me, Helen Rappaport, died at age 27. I was 7. I hardly lived with her even during the first 7 years of my life. She was not able to take care of me (cancer). I lived with various relatives and others until age 6 1/2 when I was sent to live with my father's sister, Thelma, her husband and 18 month old child, Harriet. It was decided - my mother's wishes I was told - that I remain with that family. My father, Thelma's brother, was hospitalized with TB and couldn't take care of me.

At age 9 I asked Thelma if I could call her "mommy." She said I could. Uncle Moe became Daddy Axelrod. Harriet became my sister and the new baby, Richie, became my brother. I thought of Helen in heaven as my real mother.

Today I was thinking about that. Thelma Axelrod, you were my real mother. You did everything and then some that a real mother should do. You clothed me beautifully, you fed me healthy foods, you taught me right from wrong, you took me to doctors to help me overcome a severe sinus condition - when I came to you, I was a skinny, sickly, scared child. You gave me art lessons, piano lessons, dance lessons, sent me to the best summer camps - on and on and on. Yes, you were demanding, sometimes insensitive, didn't hug me or tell me you loved me (unless you did and I don't remember).

I didn't do a lot of the things you advised me to do. I especially didn’t follow the advice that it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. I'm glad I didn't follow that advice. However, I did and do follow a lot of the advice you gave me. One of the things you said, and this is what I woke up thinking about, is: "It's important to grow old gracefully."

Yes, my dear REAL mother (I wish you could hear me finally say this), I believe I have and continue to "grow old gracefully." This is beyond avoiding wearing puffed sleeves and overly bright lipstick. Growing old gracefully to me now means acknowledging the wisdom of aging as well as the few limitations - like puffed sleeves. I allow myself to FEEL graceful, to walk and talk with grace, to breathe grace.

I miss you Thelma Axelrod. You were one classy lady. I'm so sorry for all the times I complained about you and for not acknowledging you as my real mother. Helen birthed me. She was a beautiful and talented woman. She was also my mother. Hey, I got to have TWO mommies - the perfect one in heaven and the perfect one on earth.

The First Transmission

2009-07-06T12:31:00.000-07:00
Mindfulness.
Perhaps the major key to the Gentle Way to Fitness, as well as to life, is mindfulness. Bringing awareness, attention, i.e. mindfulness to anything, an activity, a thought, an emotion allows for choice to accept, grow, transform and/or becoming enlightened - a being of Light. Mindfulness is power. Without it, we are at the mercy of whatever breeze of energy happens to waft by.

Mindfulness: Full awareness of the body - its breath, its beat, its blocks, its sensations

Mindfulness: Full awareness of thought - its perceptions, stories, judgments, opinions, habitual patterns, its ideas, its emptiness

Mindfulness: Full awareness of emotion - watching the kaleidescope of anger, joy, sadness, euphoria, irritation, stimulation, passion and more as they pass through, some grasping our hearts, others forgotten before they are remembered

Mindfulness: Full awareness of a vibration unnameable. We call it spirit.

Turn on. Tune up. Listen to the signals from outside and inside. Go.

Continuing and Reporting

2009-07-05T13:21:00.000-07:00
Continuing on the subject of resentment and other conditions: It's not my experience that I can excise them surgically (metaphorically of course). What works for me is to see the neural path when it's triggered and observe it as energy. If I don't give it attention by either attaching to it or denying its existence, it can play itself out. This seems to be in direct opposition with what I wrote in my last blog when I described resentment in a clearly judgmentally negative way as something I wouldn't want in my field. It fascinates me to observe the multitude that lives in the skin called Kaycheri!

As I write this, I am listening via headphones to something from the Morry Method. It's the CD entitled "Neural Synergy Isochronic 1."

I got a call to sub for two yoga classes this afternoon.

It's such a blessing to be paid for doing what I love.

And yesterday's Independence Day barbeque at the home of Jeremy and Marianna. They have done SO much to beautify the yards of their home. Marianna is a landscape specialist and it really shows. It was such a joyous experience in so many ways. Besides everything else, I spent a few minutes with Jeremy listening to the second track of The Gentle Way to Fitness - exploring the different rhythms and subtleties in it. I'm expanding my interest and understanding of music SO much. Thank you Carlos for your guidance during the Nia Belts.

My hearing is less acute than it was years ago. I am thankful that I am able to hear as much as I do. Years ago I taught at the New Jersey School for the Deaf. The children in my class were so lovable.

More later. May all who read this and all who don't be blessed.

Inter Inde pendence Day

2009-07-04T09:58:00.000-07:00
Awake... Awake to... Awake to Who... Awake to Who You... Awake to Who You Really... Awake to Who You Really Are

To answer the questions on the comments made by Jill (last blog):

For more information about the Crystal Temple, go to http://www.crystaltemple.org/

No, Liz was not at Thursday's meditation. I don't know if she is involved with the activities at the Temple. I haven't seen her at the three events I've gone to.

Regarding The Gentle Way to Fitness DVD: It's in the Creeping Stage - barely out of Embryonic. I will be keeping you and everyone informed of its progress. Tuesday next I will be meeting with Val to set goals, deadlines and methods to bring the vision to manifestation in the third dimension. I've been tweaking the description. Here's the latest one appearing on the flier for a new class:

The Gentle Way to Fitness is a guided journey to becoming the best of ourselves. We use natural, expressive movement to music designed to create optimal wellness. People leave class feeling relaxed, energized and happy! The Gentle Way to Fitness is for everybody – no restrictions.

- - - - - - - - - - -
Today, July 4th:

What's up for me in this moment is about relationships. Steve and I are experiencing our 25th July 4th. On our first July 4th we were enroute to Oregon from Massachusetts. We traveled by car. Steve's fifteen-year-old son Jeremy was with us. Steve and Jeremy are two of my favorite people! The relationship with Steve has traveled many highways, byways, rivers and skyways. He and I had a long talk (mostly me talking) this morning. I'm amazed that I'm still carrying resentment about something that happened in 1985. I also carry resentment about some present incidents and conditions. I desire to cast off the burden of resentment. I INTEND to cast off the burden of resentment. It is this heavy, ugly, creepy, clingy, in-the- way THING. It weighs hundreds of pounds, weighs me DOWN! Sometimes it pops out in whining, yelling, nagging voice. It sucks out my joy. Get Thee gone!

When the intention is clear, the means will appear.

Meditation at the Crystal Temple

2009-07-03T13:49:00.000-07:00
So hot today! As soon as I finish this and check out Jill's latest entry, I'm going to swim in our little pool.

Last night I went to the Crystal Temple for a group meditation. I experienced many things including a busy mind. I experienced an infusion of powerful warrior energy. It started with my hands becoming quite hot. Sound is becoming even more vital to my development. The sounds that were played during this particular meditation seemed to drive into every cell of my body, nourishing, healing, activating. I was surprised to note that my bones called for strengthening. We were told that we could ask the particular entity being called forth to grant our wishes. My prayer/wish is to be guided and supported on the path that would be most beneficial to all - including myself of course.

I am experiencing profound gratitude. My life is so very blessed in so many ways. It was wonderful to be in the company of the people at the Temple last night. Aurelius was there - a pleasant surprise.

As I write this, I feel so full of love. My Mayan signature is White Resonant Dog.

I worked on the flier for the class I will be teaching at Crystal Temple starting next Wednesday. It's becoming quite beautiful.

Words to be spoken under the music of the second track on THE GENTLE WAY TO FITNESS DVD and CD: "Awake. Awake. Awake to. Awake to your Self."

Art

2009-07-02T12:32:00.000-07:00
I notice I'm not receiving any comments on my most recent entries. Ah well, perhaps this blog is serving as a journal for me to read with wonder a year or so from now. I have shelves of journals I've written in over many many years. It's a delightful surprise when I pick one up and find poetry, thoughts, dreams, incidents, complaints and wonders that are written about. Sometimes I think, "Wow, this might be something someone else would enjoy or learn from." So now we have blogs, and anyone who so desires can share our thoughts, dreams etc. (see above). I am enjoying the process of writing and editing my own writing. I enjoy things that are well written, grammatically correct, well spelled, filled with images that spark my imagination and take me on a journey. When I read something that is poorly edited, I find myself slightly (and sometimes not so slightly) offended. This gets in the way of receiving information that could be valuable, so I tell myself to "get off it!"

Okay, this isn't what I meant to write about today. What I want to share (even if it's only with myself) is about Art.

Early this morning:
I awoke at about 5AM. The room was filled with a soft morning light. I stretched my arm up towards the ceiling and was struck by the shape of the arm, hand and fingers silhouetted against the white of the ceiling. I moved the arm, hand and fingers to moment-to-moment create new shapes. Wonder. My thought was, "This is Art. This is all that is necessary for me to be happy." And so it is. And so it was. And so it will be.

Progress

2009-07-01T13:29:00.000-07:00
Well, my daughter is safely back home - Albuquerque, NM. It was a wonderful visit. I took her to the airport Monday afternoon. We went to the Rose Garden before going to the airport. The Portland, OR Rose Garden is exquisite. It is a must-see for visitors AND for residents. Sometimes I forget about having this magical garden in my backyard. Monday, while I was walking around and smelling the various blossoms, my mind kept going to memories of Rick Yorba. He died of Aids about 10 years ago. I think of him so often and with such love. We created beautiful theater together and our friendship was precious to me.

One of my students is going to undertake the job of producing the DVD. We will have a meeting next Tuesday to discuss the details and make the plan. YES!!
Thinking about the major theme/focus and the elements I want to include. These become ever more clear and full with each Nia class I teach. One class is for people over 55 years of age and the other for people over 60. At this juncture I have only women taking the class. I am learning SO much about what works and what is more challenging. I constantly check in with my students - particularly before and after the class. I ask them to define their goals for the class. Today, some of the desires included relaxation, energizing, healing a knee and more flexibility. Balance didn't happen to be mentioned. I deliberately added the jazz square to their vocabulary of movement. I like to have one or two more challenging moves in the mix in order to engage their minds and to give them a sense of accomplishment - learning something new. It's great fun to co-create and at the same time to be covering the elements of fitness. I wouldn't recommend this approach to someone who doesn't have an extensive vocabulary and experience. Fortunately we have the library of routines created by Debbie and Carlos to use.

I banked my last paycheck for editing for Nia HQ. I don't miss that part of my life. Perhaps another editing gig will appear. I'm not seeking one, but would be happy to absorb one into my world. I'm mindfully accepting moment-to-moment activities and requests.

Mindfulness

2009-06-27T23:55:00.000-07:00
"Mindfulness can be thought of as a moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness, cultivated by paying attention in a specific way; that is, in the present moment and as non-reactively, non-judgmentally and openheartedly as possible. When it is cultivated intentionally, it is sometimes referred to as deliberate mindfulness. When it spontaneously arises, it is sometimes referred to as effortless mindfulness. Ultimately, however arrived at, mindfulness is mindfulness." - Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Soltice at Breitenbush and other news

2009-06-23T19:39:00.000-07:00
This was the fourth year for Helen (my daughter) and me to go to the Solstice Celebration at Breitenbush Hot Springs. We did our annual skit on Saturday night - added two women - Cynthia and Meredith.

How can I describe my experiences at Breitenbush? I'll just jot down some words that come to me from my right brain:

Delicious
Soft
Natural
Glorious
Trees alive
Lithium mineral in the pools smoothing, soothing, uplifting, centering, flying
People exuding love
No demands

My daughter Helen is visiting from Albuquerque, NM. She is someone so very special in my life. We laugh until tears come into our eyes and our sides hurt. She corrects me more than I correct her. After all, she's a trained elementary teacher and school librarian, practicing as a school librarian.

Someone at Breitenbush said that Facebook is evil. Hmmm.

Yesterday we went to our favorite consignment shop and found treasures. I bought the most BEAUTIFUL silk jacket - reversible, a black velvet hat and several soaps and bath salts. Helen got a bunch of stuff. She will fill an extra suitcase to take back.

Today I taught my senior Nia class. I used the two tracks Jeremy created for The Gentle Way to Fitness and some drumming music. It's growing quite organically. I didn't do any FloorPlay. Somehow it was instinctual to not do that today. I'm following my instincts, my guidance in the way I'm teaching this summer - listening to my body and my students' bodies.

Life is oh so good.

Clearing Out

2009-06-15T09:00:00.000-07:00
I've accumulated a bunch of journals, books, papers and oddities beside my bed where I have some bookshelves and floorspace. I decided to go through and discard, sell, give away or keep appropriate items. As I was wandering through the journals, I read some of the entries. I found them to be quite entertaining and occasionally enlightening.

I now have a full bag of books to take to Powell's Bookstore. I filled a large trash can with papers etc. I have a HUGE number of manuals notes, handouts, fliers, and lesson plans from my Nia studies. So far, I'm keeping them.

Looking through books: so much information, some of it contradictory - especially information about diet and nutrition. I want to be so in tune with my body that I feed it what it needs rather than what some book or person tells me!

Continuing

2009-06-14T17:47:00.000-07:00
Yes, I want to keep account here.

I taught two yoga classes. Kate called me a couple of hours before class to sub for her. The first class was for pregnant women. There were two of them. The second class was for a roomful of new, intermediate and advanced students, male, female ranging in age from teen to elderly. I am quite confident in teaching yoga - have been doing it for many years. Today I seemed stronger, more focused, more connected than ever. Something is happening! Something has loosened.

The DNA is dancing. Energy is flowing. Love.

Activating the DNA

2009-06-14T12:56:00.000-07:00
Last night we returned to the Crystal Temple to learn more about the Mystery School and activating the DNA strands. This study and process was created 3000 years ago by King Solomon. It was kept secret until 1997. Now the secrets are being given to prepare us for the changes (2012 AD) which have been predicted.

I received an activation.

As yet, I don't notice any dramatic change - unless one considers my even stronger desire to serve, to share the Light I have been blessed to be given.

Each moment is an eternity and a nanosecond.

Time is an invention to allow us to function sequentially. Actually, everything occurs simultaneously.

These concepts give me the opportunity to take it all much less seriously.

My body is telling me it's time to feed it.

Namaste

Free Form

2009-06-12T14:55:00.000-07:00
One of the first parts of the video will be Free Form. This is a technique to get into body awareness gently and safely. It is powerful, can be done anytime and anywhere by anyone.

Basically, you close your eyes, go inside, watch your breath, communicate with your body to follow its movements and observe it as it moves.

After a bit, you consciously pause, ground by sending energy into the feet, hands and head. You may make minor adjustments to maintain balance. Then you begin to move again. You continue moving and pausing, moving and pausing. I find when I do this that the breath is key in directing the energy.

After another bit, you open your eyes, continuing the process, to expand your awareness to the outer environment while being as conscious of the inner environment.

I have been employing this technique with my students and they are finding it useful. In class we partner up, then add more and more people moving and pausing together. I may or may not have that on the video as part of the workout. It would be fun to have a section where that kind of thing could be shown (group activity etc.) Also, in class we usually start in silence and then add music, which of course has an influence.

I have been doing this myself in a classroom situation (Kelmanworks with Melanya Helene) and on my own. It's a different experience each time. It serves me as a moving meditation and a warm-up of the body.

What I love most about it in terms of having it on the DVD is that it is a Gentle Way to Fitness and anyone can do it and benefit from it!

If anyone reading this blog tries this technique and has some feedback from it, I would love to hear about it.

Writing and Sleep

2009-06-11T10:11:00.000-07:00
Writing
I've been writing for years. I've written plays, poetry and articles. I once had a column in a newspaper. I've done quite a bit of editing for various situations which I won't go into at this time.

I study correct spelling, punctuation, grammar and syntax as a writer, teacher and editor. I particularly enjoy editing - making sense out of the garbled writing of people who have great ideas yet lack the skill of clear sentence structure. So much of what I read, particularly on the internet, is rife with misspellings, illogical transmission of communication, poor grammar and what I call "dart board punctuation."

It seems that writing is becoming a bit of a lost art, as has conscious conversation. Communication is transforming. Someday it may be only energy transmission - perhaps the way the animal and vegetable kingdom communicate! There is a whole new language from technology - tex messages etc. It's kind of fascinating.

Sleep. I enjoy my weird sleep habits. Occasionally I get caught in the information trap, i.e. that we NEED x amount hours of sleep and we NEED to sleep at certain times. The problem is that different experts (former spurts) have different opinions which they back up with official sounding statistics and studies. When I'm clear about who and what I am, I ignore all that. Oh yes, who and what I am includes part cat.

It's time to do some heavy duty cleaning and organizing.

Videos and Pictures

2009-06-10T22:43:00.000-07:00
My dear friend Marc took some videos and pictures of my Tuesday class. Reassuring. I can see where it would be very useful for me to have a video camera and a Mac computer. Anyone have either or both those items for sale??

Watching "So You Think You Can Dance." The spirit, the skill, the dedication, and the creativity is thrilling. Refreshing!

Gratitude

2009-06-07T15:07:00.000-07:00
I attempt to live my life in the attitude of gratitude - to see EVERYTHING, whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, whether I agree with it or not, as a gift. Generally speaking, I am successful.

So, I got hit by a truck (metaphorically speaking). The wounds are healing.

The gift of being hit by this particular truck, i.e. being cut off from from an employment situation without warning, consultation or an opportunity to adjust, is that it gave me the opportunity to create and maintain self-esteem and belief in myself and my abilities no matter what anyone else's opinion or needs may be. Further, this gives me the opportunity to continue to trust in a higher power.

Oh yes, I had much warning that this particular truck consistently runs people down. I was warned not to get in its way. I chose to play in their sandbox. Did I think I was someone special, someone who would be treated differently? Perhaps I did. Perhaps I just wanted to do what I did for as long as I could do it. I'm truly, truly glad I took on the challenge. I feel, and so did the truck that mowed me down, that I did an outstanding job while I was employed - it just wasn't exactly what they wanted. It's my opinion (and opinions are useless for anything but ego) that their desires are unrealistic. It will serve me to give that opinion up. Whoosh. Gone. Doesn't matter.

This morning I went to my KelmanWorks workshop. I am so very blessed to be a part of this work. I'll describe it another time.

Last night I did a gig for Abracadabra Inc. They hire people to entertain High School Graduates during a night-long program, usually in a sports complex. It's a great way for the kids to have a wonderful, safe and healthy time. My "job" which I've been doing for several years, is as a "Fortune Teller." I do graphology and tarot. I am so grateful for the insights and knowledge that comes pouring through me to serve.

Here's a poem a dear friend, my surrogate son Marc, wrote. It brings tears to my eyes.

"There is a legend
Of a gypsy woman,
Who conjured the moon until sunrise
Smiling as she was telling all who would listen,
Before the coming day,
Telling of their future

Of the sacrifices that will be made
For love on heaven and earth
That night the moon replied with a smile
Happily shining for this special woman...

As all who came to her were gifts from God,
Oh so many sensations, so much abundance,
Oh, the power of this love,
As this Gypsy woman made
the music of the night."

Questions to Contemplate

2009-06-05T06:43:00.000-07:00
From AWAKENING TO GALACTIC CULTURE blog:

"Now that we have entered into the 11th moon of the 13-Tone Cycle, we are invited to look at our lives through the lens of: The Spectral Tone of Liberation… The codes are RELEASE, LIBERATE, DISSOLVE!

Shall we let go? Shall we surrender our negativity and unnecessary mind-created sufferings? Shall we release into our natural beauty and Self-appreciation for ourselves as shining sparks of creation? Shall we dissolve our fear-based clingings into immense, unspeakable trust in the divine order? Shall we stop trying to control the flow? Shall we submit to the order of chaos as it liberates us and brings new, fresh pathways?

Shall we let our bodies be free to move and feel and rest and renew? Shall we be our own friends? Shall we let the non-linear flow of artistic inspiration deliver vast productivity? Shall we free ourselves from the imaginary prisons we create with our small minds? Shall we put down our weapons of separation, fear, anger, impatience, righteousness, and blame? Shall we liberate our limiting ideas of who we are and what we’re here to do and what we’re capable of with Spirit as our source?

Shall we dissolve our egoic sense of self and surrender into our own self-love, compassion and forgiveness for our own journeys? Shall we dissolve into the full, emptiness of being? Shall we liberate into the spaciousness of the eternal universe as it dwells in our own hearts? Shall we LIBERATE THE PAST TO THE EARTH AND AWAKEN TO THE NOW OF OUR COSMIC NATURE? Shall we release into the full spectrum of our amazing existence?"

I say YES!

Balance

2009-06-04T23:36:00.000-07:00
An event today really threw me. I shook and cried for about 10 minutes after reading an email telling me that I had made some errors in spelling and punctuation and wasn't to continue editing for Nia HQ. I was also told that they want someone with some technological expertise that I may not have. I'm pleased that I was able to accept the rejection and maintain my self-esteem. Oh yes, it took some doing, some conversations and some digging for truth. There is no doubt in my mind and many evidences that I am an excellent, although not perfect, editor/writer. The irony of all this is that when something is published in a Nia communication that I haven't edited, it's FULL of errors, some of them amusingly blatant.

It's all about balance, coming back to center.

I remember that when I was little and had to deal with many losses, I decided that I would be like a spring. I told myself that they could step on me and step on me and I would always spring back up.

Well the spring might be a little less springy, but it's still springing.

Ever onward and upward.

It's all grist for the mill!

Clothes Make the Man - and the Woman

2009-06-04T14:05:00.000-07:00
Stanisloski (sp?) in his book about how to create a character speaks of costume. Well, this morning I put on my Nia togs in preparation to take a class. I immediately became conscious of myself as someone with purpose (nia is an African word meaning "with purpose.") I danced my way through making my morning green drink. I danced my way through the brushing of teeth, the finishing up of some computer work. I tell my Nia students to be aware of their daily movements, to consciously listen to their body's way and to consciously choose their movements as they go about their day. Somehow, wearing my elegant Nia clothing - even my Nia earrings - made a difference. I love dressing up, down and around. I love costume, color and fabric. I love wearing one thing that is very expensive (in my world, anything over $20 is expensive). I especially love it if no one can see it - like maybe it's a gorgeous piece of underwear. It's all theater, isn't it?

Took a Nia class with a teacher who uses her own music and her own routines. It was good. I got a good workout. One of the best things about Nia is its flexibility, its opportunity for individuality and creativity. When I first started teaching, I nailed myself to the routines created by Carlos and/or Debbie. I would flagellate myself mentally and emotionally if I missed a step or a beat. Oh how we drama queens love to create suffering.

Steve is feeling poorly. All he wants to do is sleep. So, he is sleeping. I find myself so frustrated when the man I love is unwell. Perhaps all he needs to do is sleep a bunch. I am bathing him (mentally of course) with my love, sending healing vibes to his body, mind and soul. Sometimes I sign my emails etc. with Love Is All There Is.

Love Is All There Is.

Face to Face and Heart to Heart

2009-06-03T14:49:00.000-07:00
Hi Jill:
Thanks for your comment.
Life seems to go in circles..ever spiraling upward. Birth, Maintenance, Death, Rebirth. Some things fall by the wayside - happily. Like my menstrual cycle. I must admit I don't miss those monthly visits - AND I notice there is still cycling with the moon.

Taught Nia yesterday and today. I'm teaching only two classes a week this summer - both for seniors. My "senior" students are awesome. Most of them get whatever I give them. I will take credit for being more clear in my instruction and modeling. So the focus was the knees. What a fantastic focus. Knees - symbolic of moving forward - symbolic of healthy humility. Synchronistically great article came my way about knees. One of the best things you can do for them is walk backwards. The article explained why. And of course I have lots of info from my various books, Nia articles and my own experience. I'm a Capricorn (ooh how I hate labels, but I'll use it here) and our body part is the knee(s). I was thrown from a motorcycle in my wilder days and my left knee was torn up. It "talks" to me whenever I'm out of balance. It teaches me so much - especially to accept my idea of perfection. And of course I'm always on the lookout how to serve my knees with thought, food, movement and love. I'm learning about the Technique of Extrinsic Reciprocals from my Body Talk coach. It WORKS. This morning I woke up with pain in my left knee. I massaged it with my right hand while simultaneously massaging my right elbow with my left hand. In minutes the knee softened up and the pain was gone. Wow. Of course I share everything I learn with my students. That gives me so much joy - really. If anyone reads this and finds it useful - hey that gives me joy also.

Speaking of sharing. I've been scoping out existing fitness videos. So far I've found NOTHING like the one I'm wanting to produce. And EVERYONE I mention the plan to says they would be so happy to have such a DVD.

More later.

Moving Right Along

2009-06-02T20:51:00.000-07:00
Okay. Went through some frustration and reorganization. Jeremy opted not to come today, Tuesday June 2nd - too busy. Worked out well. Gave me a chance to tell students they will be filmed next Tuesday, which is the last class for this term. Marc agreed to borrow a camera and take pics. Today I played Indian Sunrise, mixed it in with TransVision and ended with Indian Sunrise. I don't have specific choreography for Indian Sunrise - just general moves. I'm exploring. This is the way I'll do it until the music is laid out - unless it happens differently. I watched a little of an African tape and another tape called Bollywood. Getting ideas. And of course I have so many Nia routines. Today's focus was the knees.

I sent Douglas an email telling him I really really really want to communicate with him. He sent a chat while I was out. I hope we'll talk soon. Maybe later tonight.

Basically, I'm learning patience. Learning how to allow this project to birth and grow. The form it will take depends on a number of things. I'm backing off of being frantic about raising money for the project. I have some information and some possibilities.

In the meantime, Steve has been reignited about his Sufi connection and his ideas about community. I am also interested.

Taking it moment by moment, day by day.

After class, many of us went to Dot's house for a beautiful potluck. Several of the women got a chance to share themselves. I spoke of my many names via living conditions and marriages. I also spoke a bit about my background in theater, dance and yoga. We are certainly a varied and truly interesting group.