Certainty of Purpose

There was never any doubt in my mind and heart that I desired to play the roles of a partner, a mother, a performer, a dancer, a yogini, a teacher, a writer and an editor. When I occupy myself in these activities, my heart sings clearly and simply. Other activities which I have done are not always so clear. I do some things in order to support myself and my family financially. I do some things because I think I ought to, that there are those who need my services. There are some things I do that have elements of both factors, i.e. a singing heart and a sense of obligation. When an activity has both, or several elements, I find myself to be somewhat “stuck”.

In particular, at this time, I’ve somehow gotten myself to create a system I call “The Gentle Way to Fitness.” I am using this system in my classes and I now have a series of cable TV appearances on DVD. The next logical step is to expand into the commercial world, either through self-production or through an established producer. I tell myself that this would be of service. I also tell myself that it isn’t necessary, that the world and those in it will survive and thrive with or without my contribution. In the past, I didn’t have these conversations. I simply auditioned for roles, practiced yoga, dance, qigong, Nia and other forms of movement joyfully. I prepare for my Nia, GWF and yoga classes with enthusiasm and when I’m teaching, I am in a state of love and gratitude. The poems and plays and articles I’ve written were done with ease and excitement. Yes, I’ve played the game at times of wondering if I’m “good enough”, and those games never stopped me from going for it.

I’m not certain why I’m so full of hesitation about the present project. I’m not certain if I should bypass my hesitation and just plow on. After all, I did years and years of “jobs” that weren’t necessarily my heart’s desire. It was necessary, so I did it. I found ways to do what I thought I had to do.
I pray that I receive guidance. In the meantime, I will do what I do, being open to receive direction from my heart, my higher self, the All That Is. Those messages sometimes come from the most unexpected places. I am listening.