Life

I realize that anything and everything is a metaphor. As I sit and play free cell and spider solitaire on my computer at 3 or 4 am, I am discovering profound life lessons, just as profound as when I read books by well known authors. Isn't that odd? Isn't it odd that scrubbing pots can be as profound as doing surgery. Oh well, I could possibly save someone's life if I was a surgeon, and maybe that would have a greater or more useful effect, but would it really in the grand scheme of things? I've spent so many hours attempting to be useful, to have a really useful function, to heal or nurture; and perhaps, just perhaps, it's not something to measure. Perhaps I don't have to be so special! Anyhow, I continue to teach the few students who come to my classes, and whether or not they're getting something from the classes (and I know they are)I always do. Lately I've been working about 6 hours a week at the library; mostly shelving books, Dvds, music tapes. It's hard on the knees, but I'm enjoying the hell out of that. In fact, I'm enjoying the hell out of life these days. One of the main things I'm doing is getting my finances organized so I can just stop fretting about owing credit card companies. Fretting won't change the situation I've gotten into. Neither will beating myself up about it. I'm a great worrier. Well, I can just accept that and stop worrying about worrying. What a concept. The earth will continue to rotate on its access whether I worry about it or not. I could choose to simply enjoy my activity of worrying - watch the brain synapses. Breathe.