Certainty of Purpose

There was never any doubt in my mind and heart that I desired to play the roles of a partner, a mother, a performer, a dancer, a yogini, a teacher, a writer and an editor. When I occupy myself in these activities, my heart sings clearly and simply. Other activities which I have done are not always so clear. I do some things in order to support myself and my family financially. I do some things because I think I ought to, that there are those who need my services. There are some things I do that have elements of both factors, i.e. a singing heart and a sense of obligation. When an activity has both, or several elements, I find myself to be somewhat “stuck”.

In particular, at this time, I’ve somehow gotten myself to create a system I call “The Gentle Way to Fitness.” I am using this system in my classes and I now have a series of cable TV appearances on DVD. The next logical step is to expand into the commercial world, either through self-production or through an established producer. I tell myself that this would be of service. I also tell myself that it isn’t necessary, that the world and those in it will survive and thrive with or without my contribution. In the past, I didn’t have these conversations. I simply auditioned for roles, practiced yoga, dance, qigong, Nia and other forms of movement joyfully. I prepare for my Nia, GWF and yoga classes with enthusiasm and when I’m teaching, I am in a state of love and gratitude. The poems and plays and articles I’ve written were done with ease and excitement. Yes, I’ve played the game at times of wondering if I’m “good enough”, and those games never stopped me from going for it.

I’m not certain why I’m so full of hesitation about the present project. I’m not certain if I should bypass my hesitation and just plow on. After all, I did years and years of “jobs” that weren’t necessarily my heart’s desire. It was necessary, so I did it. I found ways to do what I thought I had to do.
I pray that I receive guidance. In the meantime, I will do what I do, being open to receive direction from my heart, my higher self, the All That Is. Those messages sometimes come from the most unexpected places. I am listening.

Private Class

I didn't intend a private class, but since only one student showed up for the Nia class I was subbing, that's what happened; and it was really gratifying. She said she wanted to work on her stamina - something I need to pay attention to also. I also helped her "get" a couple of steps she has difficulty with: cha cha cha and jazz square. I really like helping people (and myself) with detail and with pacing.

Thinking about the word "substitute." It's rather ridiculous to think in terms of substitute and preparation when this is always IT, i.e. NOW and therefore a much richer experience.

I'm feeling like when I'm teaching, I'm connecting on an energetic level. It was hot hot hot today. I am SO grateful for our little apartment pool and for the shower and the fan in our apartment. We don't have an air conditioner, nor do we have any plans to obtain one.

Class

I had a good talk with Karri Wynn and my interest in producing a DVD etc. has been reignited. Also, there is someone who wants to teach The Gentle Way to Fitness. SO, I'm going to start writing more on this blog about the classes - what's working, what isn't.

I had a small class this morning and asked for feedback. We don't have a mirror in this room and one of the students said she would prefer it if I did ALL the teaching facing the class. I can see that this might be a good idea. I also use circles a lot. It keeps the energy solid. This same student said she really likes the way I do hip movements. My focus was chakra energy. I am very comfortable with the concept of chakras, because I have many years of study and practice with them. In terms of other teachers, it would be good for me to be very specific in my lesson plans or teacher dvd's. Also in terms of dvd for the public, I must remember to "assume nothing"!

Teeth

This morning my husband had several teeth pulled out in preparation for dentures. I did my best to remain neutral in order to assist him in the healing process. We used BodyTalk Access. I drove the car home while he pretty much slept. It was an hour's drive. I put a subliminal healing tape in the player. Yes, it can be played while driving.

My Nia classes are going well, both the classes I take and the classes I teach.

My guest for the cable TV show I did this month is a beautiful massage and polarity therapist. She demonstrated and had me do self polarity.

As I enter this, I'm playing Chakra Dancer. I've done it a few times, but not enough to have it in class.

It's Been Awhile

Started The Course of Miracles. This is a very intense course.

Regarding GWF. I now have a number of DVDs from the various cable TV shows I've done.
I continue to teach one class by that name and one Nia class. They are basically the same, since the Nia class is at a senior center.

I am now licensed for another year as a Nia Black Belt Teacher. I took the White Belt again. It was a good review.

We Learn what we Know. We Use what we Learn. We Live what we Use.

Coming up: Breitenbush Solstice. A Free GWF workshop July 10. I wake up many mornings with ideas downloaded. There was one this morning which I seem to have temporarily forgotten! Yikes. It was how to begin the 3 hour workshop. 'Twould be good to write down the messages as they come in. Well, at least I called and reserved the space and sent out invitations.

Remebering The Good Ol' School Days

I remember walking to and from grammar school as an adventure including rolling down some hills, picking cherries, being chased by the mean boys from the Catholic School and finding alternate ways to get there. I don't remember what I did when it was raining, but I do remember being bundled up enough to walk through snow and all the adventures that created. I walked alone and there was never concern for my safety. Junior High and High School were too far away to walk, but I did have to walk several blocks to get to the school bus stop.

In the classroom: passing notes, spitballs, twanging the rubber in our mouths that held our braces, Maybe those things still happen - except I think teeth braces have changed. It never occurred to us to be anything but respectful to our teachers or wear jeans. It was actually fun to be smart, and we certainly felt safe. We had classes in art, music and gym. We didn't have computers or calculators. We wrote in longhand and were graded on neatness as well as correct grammar and spelling. We had after school clubs, theater and sports.

Giving

I have a cable TV program called The Gentle Way to Fitness. I have no idea how many people watch and follow it. I've received a couple of phone calls and a few of my friends have told me they've seen and enjoyed it. I've finally realized that I wanted confirmation, affirmation, maybe even a thank you!

Recently I gave someone a birthday gift of a necklace I'd purchased in India. She didn't acknowledge it. I realize that I wanted an acknowledgment.

I'm told that the greatest way to give is to do so without expectation. Just as the sun shines (even through clouds) every day giving us life, so too I am learning to give whatever I have to give without expectation. This is the Joy of Giving.

Same here. Maybe no one reads this blog. Maybe hundreds do. Maybe no one's life is affected by reading this. Maybe there is transformation, healing and joy coming from this blog.

My job is to continue shining whatever light I have, to give whatever gifts I have to give - whether they are appreciated or acknowledged or not. I'm not there yet. Maybe that's why I don't always get a thank you!

Sigh.