Life

I realize that anything and everything is a metaphor. As I sit and play free cell and spider solitaire on my computer at 3 or 4 am, I am discovering profound life lessons, just as profound as when I read books by well known authors. Isn't that odd? Isn't it odd that scrubbing pots can be as profound as doing surgery. Oh well, I could possibly save someone's life if I was a surgeon, and maybe that would have a greater or more useful effect, but would it really in the grand scheme of things? I've spent so many hours attempting to be useful, to have a really useful function, to heal or nurture; and perhaps, just perhaps, it's not something to measure. Perhaps I don't have to be so special! Anyhow, I continue to teach the few students who come to my classes, and whether or not they're getting something from the classes (and I know they are)I always do. Lately I've been working about 6 hours a week at the library; mostly shelving books, Dvds, music tapes. It's hard on the knees, but I'm enjoying the hell out of that. In fact, I'm enjoying the hell out of life these days. One of the main things I'm doing is getting my finances organized so I can just stop fretting about owing credit card companies. Fretting won't change the situation I've gotten into. Neither will beating myself up about it. I'm a great worrier. Well, I can just accept that and stop worrying about worrying. What a concept. The earth will continue to rotate on its access whether I worry about it or not. I could choose to simply enjoy my activity of worrying - watch the brain synapses. Breathe.

Update

Much has happened since I wrote on this blog. I will write more later today (September 1, 2010). Right now, I just want to say that I have just completed a 21 day activity of writing that has been most useful. I will continue the process. At this moment, I'm dealing with a number of "issues." More later!

Certainty of Purpose

There was never any doubt in my mind and heart that I desired to play the roles of a partner, a mother, a performer, a dancer, a yogini, a teacher, a writer and an editor. When I occupy myself in these activities, my heart sings clearly and simply. Other activities which I have done are not always so clear. I do some things in order to support myself and my family financially. I do some things because I think I ought to, that there are those who need my services. There are some things I do that have elements of both factors, i.e. a singing heart and a sense of obligation. When an activity has both, or several elements, I find myself to be somewhat “stuck”.

In particular, at this time, I’ve somehow gotten myself to create a system I call “The Gentle Way to Fitness.” I am using this system in my classes and I now have a series of cable TV appearances on DVD. The next logical step is to expand into the commercial world, either through self-production or through an established producer. I tell myself that this would be of service. I also tell myself that it isn’t necessary, that the world and those in it will survive and thrive with or without my contribution. In the past, I didn’t have these conversations. I simply auditioned for roles, practiced yoga, dance, qigong, Nia and other forms of movement joyfully. I prepare for my Nia, GWF and yoga classes with enthusiasm and when I’m teaching, I am in a state of love and gratitude. The poems and plays and articles I’ve written were done with ease and excitement. Yes, I’ve played the game at times of wondering if I’m “good enough”, and those games never stopped me from going for it.

I’m not certain why I’m so full of hesitation about the present project. I’m not certain if I should bypass my hesitation and just plow on. After all, I did years and years of “jobs” that weren’t necessarily my heart’s desire. It was necessary, so I did it. I found ways to do what I thought I had to do.
I pray that I receive guidance. In the meantime, I will do what I do, being open to receive direction from my heart, my higher self, the All That Is. Those messages sometimes come from the most unexpected places. I am listening.

Private Class

I didn't intend a private class, but since only one student showed up for the Nia class I was subbing, that's what happened; and it was really gratifying. She said she wanted to work on her stamina - something I need to pay attention to also. I also helped her "get" a couple of steps she has difficulty with: cha cha cha and jazz square. I really like helping people (and myself) with detail and with pacing.

Thinking about the word "substitute." It's rather ridiculous to think in terms of substitute and preparation when this is always IT, i.e. NOW and therefore a much richer experience.

I'm feeling like when I'm teaching, I'm connecting on an energetic level. It was hot hot hot today. I am SO grateful for our little apartment pool and for the shower and the fan in our apartment. We don't have an air conditioner, nor do we have any plans to obtain one.

Class

I had a good talk with Karri Wynn and my interest in producing a DVD etc. has been reignited. Also, there is someone who wants to teach The Gentle Way to Fitness. SO, I'm going to start writing more on this blog about the classes - what's working, what isn't.

I had a small class this morning and asked for feedback. We don't have a mirror in this room and one of the students said she would prefer it if I did ALL the teaching facing the class. I can see that this might be a good idea. I also use circles a lot. It keeps the energy solid. This same student said she really likes the way I do hip movements. My focus was chakra energy. I am very comfortable with the concept of chakras, because I have many years of study and practice with them. In terms of other teachers, it would be good for me to be very specific in my lesson plans or teacher dvd's. Also in terms of dvd for the public, I must remember to "assume nothing"!

Teeth

This morning my husband had several teeth pulled out in preparation for dentures. I did my best to remain neutral in order to assist him in the healing process. We used BodyTalk Access. I drove the car home while he pretty much slept. It was an hour's drive. I put a subliminal healing tape in the player. Yes, it can be played while driving.

My Nia classes are going well, both the classes I take and the classes I teach.

My guest for the cable TV show I did this month is a beautiful massage and polarity therapist. She demonstrated and had me do self polarity.

As I enter this, I'm playing Chakra Dancer. I've done it a few times, but not enough to have it in class.

It's Been Awhile

Started The Course of Miracles. This is a very intense course.

Regarding GWF. I now have a number of DVDs from the various cable TV shows I've done.
I continue to teach one class by that name and one Nia class. They are basically the same, since the Nia class is at a senior center.

I am now licensed for another year as a Nia Black Belt Teacher. I took the White Belt again. It was a good review.

We Learn what we Know. We Use what we Learn. We Live what we Use.

Coming up: Breitenbush Solstice. A Free GWF workshop July 10. I wake up many mornings with ideas downloaded. There was one this morning which I seem to have temporarily forgotten! Yikes. It was how to begin the 3 hour workshop. 'Twould be good to write down the messages as they come in. Well, at least I called and reserved the space and sent out invitations.