9/16/11 Several days in a row, my ankles have been swollen in the evening. I researched what might be the cause. The simple causes could be too much salt, not enough activity and long periods of sitting. I’ll cut back on salt – which means eating at home, elevate my legs and move more. Watched a disturbing to me movie last night. The Sheltering Sky. Do I need to write about why I found it disturbing? I don’t want to write about that. Here we go again. I notice that I want to focus on happy thoughts. I’m learning that it’s better to do that, that happy or creative thoughts raise vibration. Yes, I notice that right this minute, my mood is somewhat low. That doesn’t feel good. I feel stuck, stuck in the images of the movie. It was not a happy movie. The people in it were rarely happy. It was certainly artistic and well done. So what! Okay, now I’m sorry that I saw it. But I did. And I can choose to let it go and go on. Today is a new day. Today I will drink lots of water, eat food without added salt and go to Siere’s three hour workshop. I will keep moving. I put on the elastic stockings Steve was given at the hospital. That feels good. The first class at Creekside Village went really well yesterday. Yay. What I notice is how easily I am affected by outer events and circumstances, how easily I’m pulled out of center. I have the power to maintain my center in spite of outer circumstances or events. Steve continues to leave the lights on, the cupboards open, the stove on. It does no good to say anything to him about it. I have been doing what I can to “leave no trace.” As I write, I think about what I can use in my One-Woman piece. What I’ve written so far seems absolutely yucky. Am I trying to impress? Am I trying to make people happy? Let that go, Kaycheri; it stops the flow, squeezes the life out of it. I feel stuck, squeezed dry, right now. I think I’ll take a bath and drink several glasses of water. I have the freedom to do that! Wow! 9/16/11 Several days in a row, my ankles have been swollen in the evening. I researched what might be the cause. The simple causes could be too much salt, not enough activity and long periods of sitting. I’ll cut back on salt – which means eating at home, elevate my legs and move more. Watched a disturbing to me movie last night. The Sheltering Sky. Do I need to write about why I found it disturbing? I don’t want to write about that. Here we go again. I notice that I want to focus on happy thoughts. I’m learning that it’s better to do that, that happy or creative thoughts raise vibration. Yes, I notice that right this minute, my mood is somewhat low. That doesn’t feel good. I feel stuck, stuck in the images of the movie. It was not a happy movie. The people in it were rarely happy. It was certainly artistic and well done. So what! Okay, now I’m sorry that I saw it. But I did. And I can choose to let it go and go on. Today is a new day. Today I will drink lots of water, eat food without added salt and go to Siere’s three hour workshop. I will keep moving. I put on the elastic stockings Steve was given at the hospital. That feels good. The first class at Creekside Village went really well yesterday. Yay. What I notice is how easily I am affected by outer events and circumstances, how easily I’m pulled out of center. I have the power to maintain my center in spite of outer circumstances or events. Steve continues to leave the lights on, the cupboards open, the stove on. It does no good to say anything to him about it. I have been doing what I can to “leave no trace.” As I write, I think about what I can use in my One-Woman piece. What I’ve written so far seems absolutely yucky. Am I trying to impress? Am I trying to make people happy? Let that go, Kaycheri; it stops the flow, squeezes the life out of it. I feel stuck, squeezed dry, right now. I think I’ll take a bath and drink several glasses of water. I have the freedom to do that! Wow! 9/17/11 Finally getting to write. I checked email, drank water, ate a banana, put radon water drops in my ears to “fix” my hearing. It was frustrating yesterday to be unable to hear some of what was being said. I suspect I will have to get hearing aids if I want to hear everything. Sometimes I do want to hear everything. We’ll see. It so often comes to the “not enough money” game. As I told Ken, I would LOVE to hop on a plane and see the opening of his new play. I would LOVE to hop on a plane and visit my daughter, son, brother and sister whenever I felt the urge. There are scads of Nia events, yoga trainings, visits to hot springs like Breitenbush I would adore to participate in. And wouldn’t it be fun to give gifts to people and organizations that help others? Oh boy, if I had scads of money, I would spend it freely. I would set up funds for my many kids, grandchildren, great-grandchildren - $100 per month for them to use in whatever way they want. They are all self-sufficient (thank God for that!), so the money would just be a little extra for them to play with. For sure I would LOVE to go to Esalen with Debbie and Karri. The deal is – I have enough for everything. We have a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear. I live an extraordinary life – really. Every day is FILLED with beauty and joy. I am so very grateful that my body – the shell that holds me – is in really good shape, and I have extraordinary tools to keep it in good shape and to even improve it. What do I mean by improve it? Okay, time for honesty here. Yes, I would like to be a bit taller, thinner, less wrinkled – a LOT less wrinkled. I would like it if my hair was a gorgeous auburn instead of a gorgeous dark brown with lots of silver-grey in it. Okay, the deal is, I could achieve some of these things – like being thinner, have fewer wrinkles, color my hair; BUT, I’m honestly not willing to do what it would take (in my experience) to achieve those goals. So there we have it. So it’s best to be satisfied, actually to be happy, with the condition of my body as it now is. So this comes to my definition of healing. The first, the absolutely very first step for change, is to honor where we are right here and now; to ACCEPT with gratitude where we are right here, right now, as the gift or gifts that have been given. That’s all I want to say about this subject right now. It’s a huge subject, one that is very much in consciousness. I sent Debbie an email requesting that I be part of Nia’s development in this area. I was always fascinated with how the body works, even to the point of considering the medical profession. The closest I got to it was my first marriage to a medical student. I took a quick course to become a medical technician and worked for doctors and in the University of Pennsylvania hospital hematology department. I have several stories about that time. One of the more amusing stories happened while I was in training. I was eighteen years old at the time. A young man, I believe he was a Harvard student, came to the lab for a sperm count. I answered the door, and after hearing his request, told him to go into the bathroom and place his deposit in the glass container which was there for his use. He proceeded to do what he needed to do and came out with container in hand. He had deposited his jism in the liquid soap which was in a glass jar instead of the empty glass jar. When I realized his mistake, I burst out laughing, and told him of his mistake. (Mind you, I was young. ) The poor guy turned beet red and said he didn’t think he could do that again. I assured him, between giggles, that he would have to wait five days to get an accurate count. He never returned. So, Harvard student, wherever you are, please forgive me for laughing at you. I hope I didn’t traumatize you forever.