September 13, 2011

Last night Steve, Sarah and I attended Dr. Dream’s activation process. Mark spoke for the entire time while we sat in chairs. Most of the time we had our eyes closed. He and his assistant, Bliss, gave us drops of gem essentials on our tongues, essential oils on the palms of our hands, held tuning forks at our ears to stimulate our vibrations so that we could transform into the vibration of universal love. 

I was particularly moved by the image of us being part of the big puzzle, each one a unique piece which could find its proper place. I saw the big picture as a swirling mass of colors. My piece of the puzzle was pulsing and in its proper place. 

I’m noticing some difficulty in writing today. It’s not flowing the way it did the past days. This is a good time to keep writing. Last night I slept deeply. Steve and I made a reservation at a hotel in Lincoln City. I will cancel it today. Right now I’m feeling drained. That doesn’t make sense. I should feel energized. I do feel at peace; as if there is nothing I must DO. 

Merging. I thought to write about merging. Boundaries melt. I merge with another. At some point, we become one organism, breathing in and out. It becomes one breath, one huge pulse of breath; everything is so vibrant, almost to the point of unbearableness. Eyes are squeezed into deep blackness, so deep that they are no longer eyes seeing; they are blackness being. 

So there I am, writing. Steve comes in, sits down and proceeds to make a phone call. I ask him to go into another room. He doesn’t. I stop writing; get up and go into the kitchen. There’s food on the table. I eat. I do my best to be with the annoyance, anger at Steve for not doing what I asked him to do, anger at Steve for leaving things around, for not cleaning up after himself. I finish the salad he left on the table. I eat two pieces of bread from the bread he left on the table. I smear them with tofutti cream and orange marmalade that he left on the table. Now I can blame Steve for my imbibing more calories than are necessary. Now I can blame Steve for my inability to continue to write about Merging. Hah!! OR I can notice the surge of energy the anger gives me. I am more awake than I was. Yay. 

Mark Peebler returned my call and answered all the questions I had. I shared with him my “story” about the woman who doesn’t like my teaching style. I’ve advanced a bit in that I will NOT turn myself into a pretzel trying to please everyone. The particular thing she objected to – the use of imagery – is part of what I do and it is definitely something I will continue. We’re still “friends.” At the end of the conversation I said, “Vive la difference!” She’s French. We both laughed and went on our ways. 

Yes, I’m learning to empower by holding space rather than enabling by carrying someone on their journey. It’s interesting that when Mark called, I didn’t mind being interrupted. I was happy to talk with him. So much history with Steve. How can I erase it all and start anew, be in my vortex and allow each moment to be a new, fresh moment without all the baggage weighing it down?